Blunder, bots and buffoons: a lexicon for Brexit

Who needs a dictionary of Brexit inspired by Dr Johnson? Or rather, what purpose could such a work serve, in the world of Theresa May, the woman who gave us the Delphically smug, circular definition, “Brexit means Brexit”?

The world of Brexit is certainly a peculiar one linguistically as well as politically. It is a world of negotiations which never seem to lead anywhere, of red lines which run out of ink, of, among other mythical beasts, trolls and bots and algorithms. Surely Dr Johnson could never have dreamt of those?

Actually all three appear in his classic Dictionary of the English Language published in 1755. Maybe they didn’t mean quite the same thing then as now, but going back to the great Doctor’s definitions and illustrative quotations has proved, for my co-author George Myerson and me at least, the best antidote to the wan, grey linguistically impoverished world of Brexit that could have been devised.

We have taken liberties with Johnson, but we think they are ones he would have approved. After all, he slyly introduced jokes, such as the famous one about oats, into his fundamentally serious magnum opus. What would he have made of Brexit? Politically we can only guess but the famous remark recorded by Boswell gives us a clue: “Patriotism is the last refuge of a scoundrel.” Linguistically, he was on the side of freedom and open borders.

The Chameleon by Samuel Fisher review – witty, cerebral and completely in control of its story

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When it comes to Irish writing, this is a golden age

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‘I know a woman who keeps a coffin in the front room. Her boyfriend made it’

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ABSURD
Unreasonable, without judgement, as used of people and in Brexit disputes, suggesting charms as much as folly, or the charm of folly.

‘… you had better take for business a man somewhat absurd, than over formal.’ (Bacon)

‘the voters did prefer the Leave campaign, though somewhat absurd, to the Remain campaign, for it was over formal’ (Backon)

‘Credo quia absurdum est’ (Latin principle of faith)

‘It’s a bit absurd so I kind of believe it’ (Brexit principle of faith)

ALECONNER
An official in the city of London, whose business is to inspect the measures of publick houses.

One who seeks to deceive by drinking ale or being seen drinking ale. As ‘Sir Boris hath not a half of Master Nigel’s skill as an aleconner.’ (Shakespeare, Henry IV Part VIII)

BLUNDER
To mistake grossly, to err very widely.

‘Someone had blundered’ (Alfred, Lord Tennyson, Charge of the Brexit Brigade)

BOTS
A species of small worms found in the entrails of horses. Virtual worms which infect the body politic.

BREXIT
Exit. The term set in the margin of plays to mark the time at which the player goes off stage. Recess; departure; act of quitting the stage; act of quitting the theatre of life. Passage out of any place. Way by which there is a passage out.

BREXIT. Term set in the margin of history to mark the time at which Britain wanders towards the edge of the stage. Act of trying to quit the stage of history. A desired but elusive exit from Europe. As ‘Though the ministry looked long and hard, they could not find the Brexit.’

BUFFOON
A man whose profession is to make sport by low jests and antick-postures; a jack-pudding; one employed to make a mirthful entertainment of Brexit with low jests and antick-postures; a hack-pudding.

'Ah Sir Boris, tis said I am a jester
But thou art the right buffoon'
(Master Nigel in Shakespeare, Prince Harry V Part V)

COCK (UP)
To strut, to hold up the head, and look big, or menacing, or pert.

‘Everyone cocks and struts upon it’ (Addison)

Hence ‘to cock up’, to hold the head up extra high and look extremely big or menacing or very pert indeed.

'Let us not be downcast, my Daffidavis,
But cock up bravely, good sirrah'
(Sir Boris in Shakespeare, Henry VIII Part VII)

COLD
Not hot; not warm; without warmth; without heat.

Unaffected; frigid. Unaffecting; unable to move the passions.

Reserved; coy; not affectionate; not cordial; not friendly.

Not welcome; not received with kindness or warmth of affection.

‘Twas a cold May, which did freeze the buds right off.’ Shakespeare, As You Like It Not

COSMOPOLITAN
A citizen of the world, one who is at home in every place, except possibly in Britain during its more insular or Brexit moods.

Also ‘cosmopolite’, being polite in a snooty kind of way, as ‘Monsieur Barmier was extremely calm and cosmopolite during the negotiations.’

CYANTHROPY
A species of madness in which men have the qualities of dogs. So, BREXCYANTHROPY, a species of madness in which men go barking, oft-times in Barking.

EUPHONY
An agreeable sound, a fake who works on behalf of the EU. Hence also 'euphonious'.

EUTHANASIA
An easy death. Strangulation by EU regulations, according to Brexiteers.

FINOCHIO
A species of fennel. A plant, which is said to grow in proportion as it senses a lie in the vicinity.

'Sir Boris, how dost thou grow
Such fine finochio?'
(Pseudo-Hudibras)

FUSCATION
The act of darkening or obscuring. So, foxation: a cunning act of obscuring one's own tracks. Also, forfucksation: resigned feeling among Remainers.

HAMMER
The instrument consisting of a long handle and heavy head, with which anything is forged or driven.

Anything destructive.

So, Hammond, an instrument consisting of a long face and heavy heart, thought to be destructive of Brexit.

INDEPENDENCE
Freedom; exemption from reliance or control; state over which no-one has power. State of wild or oblivious uproar, as in 'United Kingdom Independence Party'.

‘Let fortune do her worst, whatever she makes us lose, as long as she never makes us lose our honesty and our independence.’ Pope

‘Let Mistress May do her worst, and empty all the coffers of the kingdom, as long as she never makes us lose our honesty and our independence.’ Master Nigel Shallow speaking to his supporters on ‘Independence Day’.

IRE
[FR. IRA, LAT.]

Anger; rage; passionate hatred.

So, IREFUL: Angry; raging; furious.

In midst of all the dome misfortune sat,

And gloomy discontent, and fell debate,

And madness laughing in his ireful mood. Dryden

And, IRELAND: a passionate country oft driven to anger, rage and hatred by the actions of its neighbour.

LOTTERY
A game of chance; a sortilege; distribution of prizes by chance; a play in which lots are drawn for prizes; delusive prospect of vast wealth; main source of hope that one will be immune to the economic consequences of Brexit.

LUMBER, LUMBERED
From lumber, to heap like useless goods irregularly, hence lumbered, to be burdened by an irregular and useless heap of stuff, as 'lumbered with Brexit', 'lumbered with Boris', 'lumbered with Trump'

OATS
A grain which in England is generally given to horses, but in Scotland supports the people.

So, BROATS: a kind of coarse grain on which Britain will depend after Brexit.
Johnson's Brexit Dictionary by George Myerson and Harry Eyres (Pushkin Press)