Thera-P Magna Dots

You are the emperor of China 4,000 years ago, but despite your vast power and wealth you twist your ankle while trotting down the steps of one of your many palaces. Of course, you do what any Chinese emperor would do - consult the Chinese Yellow Emperor's Book of Internal Medicine (published 2000 BC approx). Ah yes, you read, for sprains, bruises, strains, swelling and inflammation of joints, nerves and tendons, you should apply magnets.

But why should such useful treatment be reserved for people that are, in fact, dead? Why should the Chinese of 2000 BC, the ancient Hindus, Tibetans, Egyptians and the Greeks of Plato's day be the only ones to benefit? Why should you not be able to use magnets on real-life aches and pain, instead of only in bizarre, fantasy situations outlined in newspapers?

Well weep no more, for the Thera-P Magna Dots are upon us. Each one looks like a small foot plaster, but has at its centre not a bandage but a magnet. Simply stick the device to the ache or pain, and wait for your life to get better.

The manufacturer says: "Magnetic therapy allows the body's own natural healing capabilities to relieve the pain . . . is based on the idea that the body's cells each possess tiny electromagnetic fields which are brought out of alignment when disease is present."

Thera-P Magna Dots, from £9.95 (€12.60) for a pack of 12, are available from pharmacies and on (091) 567756.