The UMTS licence

Sometimes it's tiresome being the head of a mobile phone company. For years now, you have had to herald each tiny improvement in the service as if it was the arrival of the Messiah in a speedboat. There was the move from analogue to digital, the introduction of the pay-as-you-go system, the use of text messages, the display of the caller's number, and most recently the launch of WAP services.

And in your heart of hearts, you know these change very little about the way people use their phones, which means you have done nothing worth remembering, and you will go down in industrial history as an also-ran.

Wait! There is now a way for you to be a pioneer, to introduce a great leap forward! Simply get a UMTS licence from your local telecommunications regulator, and roll out the next generation of mobile phones.

Because UMTS actually works. As you read this, hundreds of boffins at BT's top lab at a secret location (Adastral Park near Ipswich) are watching daytime television using only their mobile phones linked to small portable devices.

All of which means that, this time, the hype will be for real.

The UMTS licence, €8 billion (£6.3 billion) in Germany, €6 billion in Britain, nearly free in Ireland, is available from all good telecommunications regulators.

Gizmo suggestions welcome: smaccarthaigh@irish-times.ie