Phablet-touting losers shouldn’t stop the show

A curse upon ye, phablets. The firmly established trend towards the phone-tablet hybrid – larger screen smartphones, as popularised by Samsung and introduced last week by Apple – pays some extremely annoying dividends.

Yes, it is nice to have that more expansive screen “real estate” (as the silly term goes – but, phabletians, your selfish attempt at capturing your own special moment too often ruins it for the majority of us.

Take last week's marvellous concert by Tony Bennett at the Bord Gáis Energy Theatre. Not a moment was allowed to pass while the legendary crooner was onstage, without some people holding up their big fat smartphones – even, fully fledged tablets.

This, of course, despite being expressly told not to do so at the start of the concert.

Some of these things project a beam of light forward as they attempt to focus. The pea-brained owners of the devices don't seem to care at all that they light up four rows in front of them or that they create an incredibly rude and relentless distraction for the singer, musician or other performer they wish to capture in a crappy, blurry shot or video they will later post to Facebook or YouTube.

No performer should have to endure these idiots – nor should the rest of the audience. Maybe the phabletians don’t get out from behind their screens much, but if they did, they’d notice that when their fellow big phone aficionados do as they do, it is extremely hard for the people around them to enjoy the show.

Try it at home, losers. Go into a darkened room. Now have someone sit a few feet from you – any direction will do – and hold up their phone as if to record or snap. You will find it very hard to ignore. The light overrules everything.

Ruins the moment

It kind of ruins the moment if you are alive to the actual performance, rather than your own ego as you mentally compose your social media post.

And, although it is bad enough if someone in your immediate vicinity thinks the concert is all about them and their phablet, anybody, anywhere in even a vast hall can ruin it for you.

We were in one of the balconies for Bennett, and spent the show distracted by the constant on-off of big screens down on the main floor. We also had the distraction of the darting movements of ushers having to regularly run down to an aisle and signal for someone to turn the darn thing off.

I hasten to add that these were not the “born digital” generation (although Bennett rightly attracts all types and all ages). No, these were mostly 30- to 60-somethings, so this isn’t a “young people, bah humbug” complaint. And it is important to state that it was less than 1 per cent of the audience doing this. But 1 per cent, in the dark, on and off, is extraordinarily distracting.

It all left me considering the future of live performance, given that the show – which also had a few ringtones punctuating the concert – came in the week of the launch of big-screen iPhones (which have record advance sales) and the AppleWatch (which will have a lit screen and make its own noises).

Audiences and their phones already have poor form, of course, with some famous outbursts from actors, musicians and conductors in response (see http://entertainment.time.com/2013/05/06/show-stoppers-a-brief-history-of-theater-interruptus/).

So maybe this is a futile rage against the machine. Perhaps we have lived through a brief golden era of live concerts and theatre, during which audiences actually shut the bleep up and watched.

After all, it was not always so. From the ancients through to the 19th century, theatre, opera and concert audiences were, frankly, appalling.

Drunken brawls

As Wikipedia notes of 18th-century audiences in the ground floor “pit”, “practices ranged from harmless gossiping to violent rioting. Talking, laughing, whistling, drunken brawls and hissing, even dancing and singing was common behaviour. Prostitution was normal and individuals . . . could expect to be pick-pocketed, spied upon, and jostled about . . .”

Well, I concede, that’s a bit worse than the Bord Gáis audience.

According to musicologist James Johnson: “Few complained about the noise and bustle . . . 18th-century audiences considered music little more than an agreeable ornament of a magnificent spectacle, in which they themselves played the principal part.”

Perhaps that 18th-century vista is what we will return to, with digital interruptions rather than brawls.

But I would argue, the time has come for a serious consideration of ways of blocking any use of devices, including wearables. There could be a blocking-signal free area in the lobby, similar to an enclosed smoking lounge, for urgent calls or selfies.

The rest of us could go back to having the concert be a unique, mutually shared experience for all of us, not just the insufferable screen and ringtone zombies.