Stock plunges, Tinder surges and water for ‘straight-edge punks’

Image of the week: Trade malaise

Anytime it seems like trade tensions between the United States and China are subsiding, a certain someone in the White House goes and reignites them, teeing up some heightened – but logical – volatility on stock markets that don't always feel too logical these days.

Wall Street was among those that started the week with a bit of a tumble, as reflected in this head-scratching shot taken at the opening bell on the floor of the New York Stock Exchange on Monday. Serial star of the NYSE photo-archive, Einstein-haired trader Peter Tuchman (centre) even set his face to moderately anguished for the occasion. What goes up, must go down. Then up again. Then down again.

In numbers: Swiping right

1.3 million Rise in the net number of subscribers to dating app Tinder in the first quarter of 2019 compared to a year earlier. According to parent company Match Group, this is thanks to some recent advertising campaigns.

4.7 million Average subscribers that Tinder now has in total. How many of them are happy though?

State’s GDP growth to slow to 3.8%, EU forecast warns

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NTMA to sell €3bn that will mature in 2050 bonds

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Brexit uncertainty leads to fall in Irish FDI confidence ranking

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Buffett says trade war would be ‘bad for the whole world’

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€415 million Quarterly earnings for Match Group, which has 8.6 million subscribers across its services, that claim to offer "unique products for virtually every dating desire". Virtually.

Getting to know: Mike Cessario

News travels from America (Business Insider, to be precise) that water is for "yoga moms". Luckily for anybody at risk of dying of thirst as a result, a former Netflix executive called Mike Cessario has come along with the solution. Called Liquid Death, Cessario's canned water start-up has raised $2.25 million (€2 million) to date purely on the back of some gothic lettering and the manly invitation to "murder your thirst".

Cessario explains that his “straight-edge punk” peers really need a water brand that speaks directly to them, not to “Whole Foods yoga moms”, and backers including Twitter co-founder Biz Stone and Dollar Shave Club founder Michael Dubin agree. Keen to bring some entertainment-world humour to the hitherto unfunny world of packaged water, Cessario has made Liquid Death look like a 12-pack of beer. Alas, this “mountain water” is only available online.

The list: Emoji overflow

Set your thumb to scroll mode: more emojis are coming – 230 of them. It’s an expansion that will lead to a chain reaction of endless emoji proliferation, the emoji-resistant argue, as phone users demand ever more specific representations of facial expressions, symbols and random household items. On the other (raised) hand, anything that dilutes the usage of the sneery rolling-eyes emoji has to be a good thing. Here are some on the way in 2019.

1. Drop of blood: This elegant drop of bright red blood doesn't have to signify menstruation, but it will.

2. Axe: Surely destined to be used in conjunction with the drop-of-blood emoji.

3. One-piece swimsuit: The emoji reign of the bikini is over.

4. Waffle: Possibly a Bird's Eye, more likely a Belgian, for some reason this addition to the food emoji canon has a square of butter melting into the middle of it.

5. Yawning face: Half-way to sleeping face, yawning face is truly the emoji we all need.