Conspiracy theories abound about markets

When we first made the move from Mount Street to George's Dock there was much discussion about our future dress code. A section of the company's finest wanted to abandon the suits and move to a more informal style. (There was a pub along the quays which politely informed us "no suits" which might have had something to do with it.)

Interestingly, one of the reasons given for keeping the formal gear was that people had invested a lot of money in the sort of clothes they wouldn't be seen dead in after hours and the office was the only opportunity they had to wear them. I remember commenting before that women wear suits less frequently than men and that this isn't a good idea for your future promotion prospects. Casual clothes is a kind of levelling by default and is becoming more common in the IFSC. (Given the way markets are currently trading it won't be long before we can't afford to buy new suits anyway.)

I was once at a meeting where all of the men wore dark suits and blue shirts. There were about half-a-dozen of them and it was pretty unnerving. Needless to say I couldn't keep my mind on the meeting at all, I just kept wondering if I was in an episode of The X-files. I still feel like I'm in an episode of The X-files. Financial markets are fairly incomprehensible, conspiracy theories abound and there's "something" out there that's terrifying everyone. It's hard to be rational when every day you hear rumour and counter-rumour about banks' exposures to all kinds of derivatives. Things are getting more fraught as people look at their profit and loss accounts and see an ever more murky picture.

Meanwhile, the clothes situation is pretty murky too. Maybe it's just the general tension that's getting to me but this morning I had a battle with my tights that ended up with the tights being the winner. It wasn't just one pair - it was three. Two ended up in the bin as I managed to put my foot through them as I hopped around the bedroom. What other product can you buy and destroy in 10 seconds and not feel able to bring back to the shop in a rage? At least they weren't the pair that has the feet pointing in opposite directions. One in every three purchases tends to be like this. Wear these and you risk permanent injury owing to the constriction of blood vessels as they form a vice-like grasp around your legs. It's hard work being a tense woman in financial markets when you're wrestling with the wardrobe. One of my friends who works in the US and does a lot of travelling had a nightmare shoe scenario in Italy recently. She arrived at her hotel late at night and had an early morning meeting the following day. She was wearing her best "professional woman and don't mess with me" suit and a pair of high-heeled shoes. Not terribly high heels, she told me afterwards in disgust, but high enough so that when she tripped on a loose piece of carpet at the top of the stairs in the hotel, one of the heels broke off. She also ripped her tights as she grabbed the wrought-iron banister.

The tights weren't a problem, she'd brought loads of tights (as you do, on the basis that a pair will end up in the bin in the morning struggle at some point), but her other shoes were olivegreen and her suit was red. She couldn't even consider walking into a meeting with olive-green shoes and a red suit. (She might, she said, have done it in the US where she could pretend it was a European fashion statement, but she didn't feel she could carry it off in the shoe capital of Europe itself.)

So she headed off down the local equivalent of Grafton Street to see if she could find either someone to stick the heel back on (they were sympathetic in the hotel but they didn't have a heel repair person) or whether she could buy another pair of shoes.

The town was not a buzzing hive of activity at 7.30 a.m. in the morning but - and Julie's lucky like this - she did find a shoe shop with a person inside. The doors were locked and the sign said "closed" in about five languages, but Julie is a saleswoman and she wasn't taking no for an answer! After lots of gesticulating and face-making she made the woman inside the shop realise that it was an emergency. The Italian woman was a saleswoman too. Julie bought three pairs of high-fashion footwear. The meeting was very successful, she told me afterwards and she was glad that she'd made the effort with the shoes. The Italian men were all wearing Armani. Although, out of five, four boasted blue shirts. Still, she closed the deal and she was very happy with her other two pairs of shoes. She insists they were cheaper than in the US, although I've yet to meet anyone who says anything is cheaper in Europe than the US. The way things are heading across the Atlantic, though, she'll have to get the credit card out and do some spending soon. Consumer confidence is down, which is hardly surprising given the pasting that people's net worth has taken over the past few weeks.

Apparently the inhabitants of an exclusive suburb knew that the game was up when the "For Sale" signs started to spring up in the Trophy Homes neighbourhood like magic mushrooms. The area is populated mainly by Wall Street mavens who knew that not only were the bonuses disappearing before their very eyes, but so were the jobs. When you're in an industry that prides itself on ripping your face off, you know that they're not about to take you in for a cosy chat and some counselling before they take back the keys to the company limo. Many of these people had never seen a bear market before either. They were used to riding on the crest of ever-increasing share prices. As they say "you never know who's swimming naked until the tide goes out". And the tide is well and truly out right now.

However, NCB is riding high amidst the turmoil having just received an award for its user-friendly website. The startlingly-titled Golden Spider award was for excellence in technology coupled with appealing graphical content. For those of you who want to check the latest levels on the ISEQ, you're welcome to visit us on www.ncb.ie. For those of you who haven't yet visited - give it a try. Although maybe you want to wait until the tide comes back in before you look at share prices again!

Sheila O'Flanagan is a fixed-income specialist at NCB Stockbrokers