TV Toons

Brian Moore: "Hello? Is that Motty?"

John Motson: "Em, let me check my records here in front of me . . . yes, it certainly is me."

Mooro: "I'm just ringing to congratulate you on been chosen by the BBC to commentate on the World Cup final."

Motty: "Thank you very much Brian, that's damned decent of you. According to my records, the last time I was congratulated in such a manner was on the eve of my last World Cup final, on July 8, 1990, between West Germany and Argentina and . . ."

Mooro: "Yes, I know Motty, I was commentating for ITV so I WAS there."

Motty: ". . . an appalling game it was too, Argentina had five players booked, including three in the last five minutes, and young Pedro Monzon made World Cup history, in an unfortunate sense, by becoming the first player to be sent off in a final after a challenge on Juergen Klinsmann. And then, in the 88th minute . . ."

Mooro: "Motty?"

Motty: ". . . Gustavo Dezotti became the second player in history to be sent off in a World Cup final - interesting fact, that - in front of a crowd of 73,606, and West Germany, as they were then known (that was before the Wall came down) won the game with a late penalty by Andreas Brehme and . . ."

Mooro: "MOTTY?"

Motty: "Yes Mooro?"

Mooro: "It was, in point of fact, THE happiest day in my life when I heard you'd got the final."

Motty: "Aw, chucks, thank you very much Brian."

Mooro: "Because it means ITV's chances of winning the ratings' battle have increased by 98.9629 per cent."

Motty: "Interesting fact, that Brian, very interesting - just let me write that down in my book."