Song of the week

"He's fat and geriatric, he'll never score a hat-trick, his hair is grey and we want him to stay, walking in a Swanny wonderland…

"He's fat and geriatric, he'll never score a hat-trick, his hair is grey and we want him to stay, walking in a Swanny wonderland." UCD fans' tribute to new signing Derek Swan, "who's age, according to the UCD supporters' website is `indeterminate due to inaccuracies in carbon dating'," according to Kevin, to whom we offer many thanks.