Wednesday offered a feast of live football on the box, but what was meant to be, well, the day’s amuse bouche turned in to a bit of an appetite suppressant. True, more often than not semi-finals prove to be less than exhilarating, but Senegal v Egypt in the African Cup of Nations was so drearily unpalatable, it would have put you right off your dinner.
This wasn’t Senegal’s fault, mind you, Egypt proving to be the Glenullin of AFCON, adopting the Derry side’s approach in their All-Ireland intermediate final last weekend. In other words, they weren’t massively daring.
“There are two balls on the pitch,” our E4 commentator Simon Hill noted late in the game. “The way Egypt have been playing,” Courtney Sweetman-Kirk sighed, “they probably need two balls.” Even then, though, they probably still wouldn’t have found Mo Salah, the poor lad stranded in a formation that looked 9-0-1ish.
And the game had, of course, been billed as Mané v Salah, Sadio and Mo having been best buddies during their Liverpool years. (Jesting). Indeed, if you were to go by the pre-match chat between our host Julia Stuart and pundits Mikel John Obi and Hassan Kachloul, you’d have thought ‘The Lions v The Pharaohs’ would be a one-a-side game.
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Mikel and Hassan Kachloul clearly never imagined that it’d be more akin to ‘The Lions v The Faroes’, the former Nigerian and Moroccan internationals promising us a thriller. But the highlight of the entire first half proved to be a small shemozzle between the two benches after Mo fouled Sadio, just for old time’s sake.
“It hasn’t kicked off yet,” said Mikel at the break, and never was a truer word said. And by 60 minutes there wasn’t a hint of it doing so. “It’s a game that needs a goal,” said Simon, understatedly, “but on the basis of what we’ve seen, extra-time is a probability.”
This prospect was beyond horrendous, life is just too short, so while Sadio might be a devout Muslim, the very least Pope Leo could do is beatify the lad, in an honorary sort of way, for scoring the goal that saved us from another 30 minutes.
“Was Nicolas Jackson offside,” Courtney asked when she looked at a replay of the goal, but, thank you Jesus, VAR overlooked any possible infringement, no doubt having had enough of the fare too.
There was zero sympathy for Egypt back in the studio. “Senegal were the only team that turned up,” said Hassan, “Egypt waited 83 minutes to have their first corner - and their first shot on target was in the 95th minute!”
So it’s back to the Liverpool bench Mo goes, an AFCON title still eluding him, while Sadio marches on. “He’s got 20-year-old legs,” said Hassan. He does too.
Of course, once Egypt went a goal down, they came out to play. And they finished the game much like the Dutch did at Lansdowne Road a whole 24 years ago (ask your granny). Remember? When they went a goal down and finished up with around 10 strikers on the pitch? Well, at least four any way; Jimmy Floyd Hasselbaink, Ruud Van Nistelrooy, Patrick Kluivert and Pierre Van Hooijdonk all colliding with each other as they tried to wipe out Jason McAteer’s goal.
And, as coincidence would have it, Jimmy was on Sky duty for the League Cup semi-final between Chelsea and Arsenal later in the evening. He was in high enough spirits too, so obviously had missed the Senegal v Egypt game.
What did he make of Liam Rosenior’s appointment? He was enthusiastic enough, even if the fella looks more like an English Literature student than a gaffer.
“He will expect 100 per cent, minimum,” he said, and in fairness Rosenior got about 10 per cent more than that out of his lads in the game, only losing 3-2 in the first leg at Stamford Bridge.
Arsenal? They just keep on winning. Egypt could learn from them. Venture out of your own half occasionally, and the world can be your lobster.
