Existentialist philosopher Jean-Paul Sartre once observed, “In football, everything is complicated by the presence of the opposite team”.
Sadly Sartre had died by the time Scotland comprehensively destroyed his theory in Estonia in 1996. A complaint by the visitors to Fifa about temporary floodlighting saw the kick-off time moved forward on the morning of the match from 6.45pm to 3pm.
At the appointed time Estonia failed to show, leading Scottish fans to chant “there is only one team in Tallinn” to highlight a literal as opposed to merely metaphorical truth.
The referee blew his whistle to start the most one-sided international ever before abandoning it three seconds later. Scotland expected a 3-0 walkover win to be awarded to them, but a successful appeal from Estonia saw Fifa order a rematch in Monaco which the Tartan Army attended wearing miner’s helmets with attached lamps, in case their hosts failed to keep the lights on.
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The match ended 0-0, making Scotland the only side in history to play against non-existent opponents and still fail to secure three points.
In contrast, Scotland have turned up from the very start, hosting the world’s first international match in 1872 when drawing 0-0 with England.
The Scottish team was made up entirely of players from their oldest club Queens Park whose elegant motto “Ludere Causa Ludendi” (to play for the sake of playing) kept them strictly amateur until 2019.
Today, interest in Queens Park rarely stretches beyond name-checking them as the club where Scotland captain Andy Robertson started his career but this historic team have won 10 Scottish Cups and also played in the English FA Cup Final in 1884 and 1885, losing both to Blackburn Rovers.
Queen’s Park are currently managed by former Irish international Owen Coyle whose players include Sligo-born striker Johnny Kenny. On Sunday, Queens Park will visit Belfast to play a Scottish Challenge Cup match of historical significance against Ireland’s oldest club, Cliftonville, formed in 1879 by John McAlery who had witnessed a game of soccer the previous year whilst on honeymoon in Edinburgh.
Until 2020 Queen’s Park owned and played at Hampden Park and when it opened in 1903 Glasgow possessed the three largest football stadiums in the world.
Hampden was designed by Glasgow architect Archibald Leitch who worked on dozens of stadiums throughout Britain and Ireland including both Dalymount Park and Lansdowne Road. Hampden still holds the record for the highest ever attendance for a football match in Europe, set in 1937 when 150,000 attended Scotland’s game against England.
The ground also played an important role in the careers of both Irish senior managers. The highlight of Stephen Kenny’s year in charge of Dunfermline Athletic was leading them to the 2007 Scottish Cup final, losing 1-0 to Celtic at Hampden.
During her six years in charge of Scotland, Vera Pauw had an office in Hampden, where she will return with her Girls in Green in October for a vital World Cup 2023 play-off should her former employers first overcome Austria.
Early Scottish players popularised soccer by developing “combination play” which involved passing the ball rather than simply dribbling with it until tackled – a tactic preferred by the more individualistic English.
Early results for the so-called Scotch Professors were impressive with an 11-0 victory over Ireland in 1901 remaining their highest ever win. So many moved south that when Liverpool played their first ever match their entire team were Scottish.
Scotland consistently produced outstanding footballers including Denis Law who won the Ballon d’Or in 1964 and the Lisbon Lions, who won the 1967 European Cup for Celtic, all of whom were born within 30 miles of Glasgow.
The Scottish influence quickly turned global with the founding fathers of football in Spain, Brazil and Argentina all being Scottish or from Scottish families.
People born in Scotland also scored the three most important goals in the history of Irish football. Gary Mackay’s only international goal for Scotland against Bulgaria in November 1987 allowed Ireland to unexpectedly qualify for Euro 88.
And Ray Houghton – who put the ball in the English net in Stuttgart and the Italian one in Giants Stadium – was actually born in Glasgow. Scotland were also hosts for Ireland’s most impressive tournament victory when Brian Kerr’s under-16 team were crowned European Champions in 1998.
Although the founders of Hibernians FC were both Irish, the strongest link between the two countries remains Glasgow Celtic, founded in 1888 by Brother Walfrid from Ballymote in Sligo.
Although Celtic Park is nicknamed Paradise it has proved anything but for Irish players recently, with James McCarthy rarely picked and talents such as Lee O’Connor (Tranmere Rovers), Luca Connell (Barnsley) and Jonathan Afolabi (St Pats) being released without making a single first-team appearance.
Ireland and Scotland are both part of a UK and Ireland bid to host Euro 2028 having abandoned more ambitious plans to stage the 2030 World Cup.
Ireland and Scotland’s joint bid for Euro 2008 ended disastrously with the FAI contributing a stadium that was then not open to soccer (Croke Park), a stadium due to be demolished and rebuilt (Lansdowne Road) and a stadium that would never actually exist (the Bertie Bowl). Sadly this technical flaw did not escape the notice of the Uefa team who awarded the tournament to Austria and Switzerland who enjoyed the crucial competitive advantage of actually having stadiums.
When size is taken into account, it is hard to think of any country who can equal Scotland’s contribution to football.
But perhaps their greatest achievement is consistently producing outstanding managers which again dates back to the very start of the game, when in 1886 Glaswegian George Ramsay became the first professional football manager by taking charge of Aston Villa.
Three of the greatest managers in history – Jock Stein, Matt Busby and Bill Shankly – were born within 30 miles of each other and were so successful that a film about the troika in 2020 was simply called The Three Kings.
A generation later the same area of Scotland would produce probably the greatest manager of all in Alex Ferguson.
But recently managing in Scotland has become a much more ruthless business. The last time Irish and Scottish teams met competitively was in the Europa Conference League in late July. On Thursday night Sligo Rovers completed a 3-0 aggregate win over Motherwell. On Friday Motherwell sacked their manager Graham Alexander. And on the Saturday the new Scottish football season began.
Which may well prove another of Sartre’s famous quotes – sometimes hell really is other people. Or at least the other team.
