Wacky goings-on in Portugal last week where, allegedly, the referee in the second division clash of Academica and Imortal lost the run of himself after the final whistle. Two policewomen, known only as "Fatima" and "Paula', were guarding the changingroom of referee Bruno Paixao after the game when, they allege, he appeared naked at the door, exposed himself "four or five times" and invited them inside. Bruno was charged with indecent exposure - but is none too happy about it.

"I didn't offend anybody. I'm 26, educated and attending a university degree course," he protested, failing to explain quite what that had to do with anything. "It wouldn't enter my head to defame anybody, much less police officials.

"If the policewomen lodge a complaint, I'll reply with one of my own - that of defamation - as I have a family." The Portuguese FA are saying nothing but Bruno is desperately hoping that

"Fatima" and "Paula" don't present them with video evidence. As are the linesmen who, as usual, hadn't a clear view of the incident.