Real trouble over hyenas video

ALL IN THE GAME:Potential Lawsuit of the Century: As Spanish paper Marca reported, "Real Madrid has decided to start legal proceedings against the [Catalan] television channel TV3 for the video it has shown comparing players of the club to hyenas alongside images of tackles by Madrid players on Lionel Messi. The club is said to be terribly upset with the content of the video."

After a string of clips of hyenas looking for nothing but trouble and Messi being upended/hacked down by Madrid players, we’re treated to a climax that actually features a lion attempting to gobble a wildebeast and Madrid bad-boy Pepe (left) in, well, a Hannibal Lecter mask.

If TV3 opts to defend itself, it could be a helluva case.

The BBC presenter David Attenborough might even be called as an expert witness, perhaps to defend the reputation of hyenas?

Great domain disputes of our time

The Michelin foody Guide people not-very-sensibly let ownership of their internet domain thingie – www.michelinguides.com – expire, at which point it was bought by a chap from Luton by the name of Adam Mascall – for a mere £6.

None too pleased about the purchase, the Michelin folk contacted Adam to express their displeasure. "I just did this for a laugh," he told the Sun, but the foody people were having none of it: "While we appreciate the amusing nature of the website, we have to do everything possible to protect the Michelin brand."

And what is the amusing nature of the website? His site, says Adam, is actually "Michel in Guides" – and, so, naturally, features a bunch of photoshopped pics of Michel Platini dressed up as a girl guide.

It's either magnificent or mad. You'd be inclined to lean (heavily) towards the former.

Mural of the Month

It's slightly frigtnening, but so is Marek Hamsik's goal celebration. "Marek, Naples loves you," reads the caption beside the work from graffiti artist Raffo, this one a lusty tribute to Hamsik, the Slovakian international who has become adored by Napoli fans since joining in 2007. His agent said Hamsik would never leave the club - if he does, expect a bucket of paint to be sloshed over Raffo's work.

Quote of the week:

Do I expect to get a tweet calling me a clown? I wouldn't be surprised. I dare him to do it." Martin O'Neill on hearing James McClean has returned to Twitter.

QUOTES OF THE WEEK

"Is he maturing? No. He has gone back on Twitter, even against advice of the club." - You can take it Sunderland manager Martin O'Neill won't be retweeting James McClean any time soon.

"I don't think I'm ever going to be an MLS pin-up. With my Irish skin, I don't think so. People might get a fright at how white I am." - Robbie Keane ruling out succeeding David Beckham as America's soccer sex God.

"To all the people asking if I have retired from international football. No I haven't Trap didn't even know I was Irish #whataclown." - Reading defender Ian Harte, pushing for a call-up for the Sweden and Austria games next month.

"I am simply shocked and disgusted with the untrue and unwarranted comments made by Giovanni Trapattoni." - Stephen Kelly. Trap has had better weeks, it has to be said.

Messi cover-shoot

Barcelona's Lionel Messi looking most un-Lionel Messi-like in the March edition of Esquire.

Brooks Peck, of Yahoo's Dirty Tackle, was most probably right when he reckoned the little fella was thinking: "Why can't they just let me play football and have fun and smile?

"Making me do this instead of football is so mean.

"I'm never going to make fun of Ronaldo again.

"He does this a lot, so no wonder he's always looking so unhappy."

More quotes

"And now let's go and watch the little Negro of the family, the hothead." - Paulo, Silvio's little brother, welcomes Mario Balotelli back to Italy, as only a Berlusconi could.

"He's an intelligent boy . . . he had already understood that what I said was an affectionate expression that led to a stupid media circus. Let's be done with this affair." - But he meant no harm, of course.

"People love me in Palermo – they stop me in the street and urge me to stay. You're going to get the odd person spitting at your car, but it ends there." - Palermo owner Maurizio Zamparini – the odd person might well have been Gian Piero Gasperini, who Zamparini sacked last week, the 42nd manager he's fired in 26 years.

Number of the Week: 200

That’s how many tickets – out of 86,000 – are reserved for children at May’s Champions League final at Wembley. The child will have to be with an adult, so the package will cost €140, excluding the administration fee. Generous.