"If you're the chairman of a football club, and cocaine abuse is going on, you have to take a line on it."

- Scottish TV pundit Graham Spiers, as quoted in Private Eye.

"Don't forget this club nearly went out of extinction last year."

- Radio station TalkSport's pundit Allan Smith, also quoted in Private Eye.

"Clearly Eyal Berkovic is a professional who wants to earn as much money as possible. But you must understand that he is Jewish and I am Scottish so it will be difficult for us to reach a financial agreement."

- Blackburn manager Graeme Souness . . . yikes.

"It's one of the cleanest countries on all grounds. The hooligans are not such a problem. And, believe me I should know. On their own, they're not very courageous."

- Eric Cantona reflects fondly on that Selhurst Park incident.

"We already own the Torquay United bowls club, so we're no strangers to all this."

- Torquay owner Mike Bateson compares his, em, merchandising deal with TUBC with the one that hit the headlines last week.

"It's the English winter, he can't stand it."

- Arsene Wenger tries to explain why Kanu has scored only one league goal all season.