"They are precisely the kind of people that one would dread as neighbours. They have lots of money but no class." - Barbara Cartland on the prospect of David Beckham and Posh Spice moving in next door.

"It is well known that I am out of work - but the Yeovil head coach post is a massive job." - Steve McMahon trying desperately hard not to sound desperate, but failing.

"I do not know what mental condition Collymore has got but it's obviously that he's not quite mentally correct." - Wolves manager Colin Lee rules out a move for Stan.

"Nothing that UEFA or FIFA do surprises me any more and I'm very surprised this has not been sorted out long in advance." - The surprising Graham Taylor.

"England have the best fans in the world and Scotland's fans are second-to-none." - Kevin Keegan tries not to offend anyone, but fails to make much sense.

"We have a problem with the keeper. He has had to go to hospital because he cannot remember anything - I wish I was him after that defeat." - Aberdeen manager Ebbe Skovdahl after Saturday's 7-0 defeat by Celtic in which goalkeeper David Preece was concussed.