"I was brought here to clean up and that's a bad job. We won four games in a row, but I knew the s--t would come."

- Do you detect that Ruud Gullit is not finding life as Newcastle manager a bundle of laughs?

"The law of averages says that Paul will drink again, that's just the way it is."

- George Best with some words of encouragement for Paul Gascoigne.

"I am a pure Christian and that offers you a lot of tests as a footballer but in England, the tests have been much greater than in Holland, and not to do with football. When you turn on the television all you seem to see is programmes about demons, X-Files or sex. If you watch a movie or a play there is always a big love scene."

- Coventry City's George Boateng, sounding an awful lot like Mary Whitehouse.

"He used to do a lot of scouting in places like Florida, the Bahamas and Barbados but, funny, he never got us any players from there."

- Gordon Strachan on life at Coventry City with the globetrotting, permanently tanned Ron Atkinson.

"None of the sharks will be getting at my babies for the time being, and I've told my babies that."

- David O'Leary vows to keep his babies (Smith, Woodgate, Kewell, etc) at Leeds.

"Unlike most defenders, who like the ball up the other end of the pitch, he prefers when it in our penalty box because he loves defending, and playing for Coventry he'll have plenty of defending to do."

- Gordon Strachan on busy times ahead at Highfield Road for new signing Mohamed Konjic.

"I use Clinique on my face, especially in Newcastle because the wind is so bad."

- Newcastle United defender Warren Barton shakes off his hard man image.

"I don't expect my men to go to bed or to dinner with each other or to pass around their wives and girlfriends."

- Fiorentina coach Giovanni Trapattoni asking his players to overcome their petty jealousies and be friends, but not to share their women. Glad to hear it Gio.

"Thank God I signed before I had the medical."

- Ex-Rangers goalkeeper Andy Goram after signing for Motherwell last week (the same man who drew cries of "there's only two Andy Gorams" from Scottish crowds after he revealed he suffered from a mild form of schizophrenia).

"He gives the most magnificent team talks of all time - they will make the players feel as if they're the champions."

- Peter Shreeves claiming that . . . Ron Atkinson will make Nottingham Forest players feel like they're champions. What's he gonna do, drug 'em?

"If it's not a contract I want then I won't sign it. That's not a threat."

- Roy Keane. Mmm, sounds a BIT like a threat Roy.