Planet Football

By all accounts the Swiss squad and staff had a mighty party on Saturday night, our increasingly defective translator telling us that "around midnight players and staff met in circles and sang polyphonic from body forces and Happy Birthday to You for its deserving and modest coach, Kobi Kuhn.

Polyphonic songs of praise

Under three-course way with Italian antipasti, a tender Rindsfilet with supplements and a delicate dessert lost energies were filled up, before thick cigars with the label 'Switzerland strikes Ireland' served were."

"When 30,000 humans in the stadium sing Happy Birthday it run me coldly over the back," said Kuhn.

Hacks haked off

A big thank you to the News of the World for yesterday's headline: "Irish can't Hak it as Swiss go through - Yak-in and out". Lovely.

Quotes - Ireland

"Irish players in general are good at taking on hard tasks and overcoming the odds at various times. It is part of Irish tradition and culture, and part of the historical make-up of Irish people, given the history of invasions of our country that has made us have to fight harder for our living going back through the centuries. That has been passed on to families and was passed on to the families of many of these players who had to emigrate at young ages to look for life. It is part of the genes of our people."

- Winston 'We Shall Fight on the Beaches' Churchill? No, a Brian Kerr pre-match quote. How did we lose?

"I've no problems with our defence, even Ian Harte at left-back."

- Ray Houghton, on RTÉ. Ow!

"You know what you're going to get from day one to your last day, 100 per cent every game. It's probably one of the easiest jobs in the world, to manage Ireland - that's why I put in for it."

- John Aldridge on Saturday before the Swiss game.

"Switzerland seem the hungrier, while Ireland seem prepared to wait for room service."

- RTÉ's George Hamilton. Still waiting for the knock on the door.

Much Agadoo about ...

Answers in an email please - why was Agadoo, that seminal 1980s tune by pop combo Black Lace, played in the stadium in Basel after the game?

Having closely analysed the lyrics we're struggling to find a connection with Switzerland's qualification for Euro 2004:

"Agadoo doo, doo, doo, push pineapple, shake the tree, Agadoo doo, doo, doo, push pineapple, grind coffee, To the left, to the right, jump up and down and to the knees, Come and dance every night, sing with a hula melody."

Chapuisat's hat-trick

Stephane Chapuisat may have been substituted for Switzerland on Saturday but that takes nothing away from the fact that if you rearrange his name you come up with "acute hat happiness". But enough in-depth post-match analysis ...

Pass the diasporas

Nice to see two of the Republic of Ireland's lost sons excelling for their countries on Saturday. First Manchester United's Darren Fletcher, whose mother, Bridie Gielty, hails from Dooagh in the Achill Islands, scores Scotland's winner against Lithuania, taking them in to the Euro 2004 play-offs, then Wayne Rooney, who, word has it, is the proud possessor of two Irish grandparents, does his bit for England in Istanbul.

Great interview,obviously

Interview of the weekend? Has to be Sky News' chat with an England fan in a London bar at half-time in the game against Turkey. Asked how he felt about David Beckham missing a penalty the fan replied: "Obviously disappointed. Obviously slipped. Obviously missed. Obviously. Obviously disappointed. Obviously. Yeah." Brilliant. Obviously.

Quotes - the rest

"The finishing is something we need to sort out."

- Sammy McIlroy tells Northern Ireland supporters something they might have kind of known already - their team, after all, hasn't scored in 1,242 minutes.

"They could only laugh because all they hear are these stories. One day it's injuries, then about crowd trouble, then a drugs test. It's very funny."

- Turkish general manager Can Cobanoglu expressing deep sympathy with England's plight in the build-up to their game.

"The referee's every call was on behalf of England, this really affected us. If you ask me, the person we call the world's best referee shouldn't be managing a match this badly."

- Turkish midfielder Okan Buruk makes no excuses after Saturday's 0-0 draw.

"If we get a small fry it could affect our motivation, but if we land a big fish it could motivate us more."

- Spanish goalkeeper Iker Casillas, hoping to avoid Scotland in the play-offs, for motivational reasons.

"You can't turn water into wine in one day."

- Portuguese manager Felipe Scolari attempts to dampen the host's Euro 2004-winning expectations.

Greece no holiday for Maik You thought your weekend was rough? Spare a thought for Northern Ireland in Greece. There was manager McIlroy minding his own business when he was showered with a peculiar combination of spit and sandwiches.

Then goalkeeper Maik Taylor had a run-in with a mobile phone. "First a mobile phone battery was thrown on the pitch, then the mobile followed soon afterwards. You get some small mobiles these days - but this was a large one. If it had hit me it could have been potentially fatal."

The final insult? Referee Lucilio Batista came running towards Taylor at "100 miles per hour". A touched Taylor thought he had come to see if he was okay, "but, instead, he booked me for time-wasting". Charming.