Planet Football

Away from homeAfter making just five appearances for Millwall in the last 12 months Richard Sadlier, who's been plagued by hip problems, must feel he's due a change in fortune.

On Saturday, he made his comeback against Crewe, coming on as a substitute for the last 15 minutes. With limited forward options available to him Brian Kerr could do with the Dubliner regaining the form that earned him a senior international debut 18 months ago.

He could probably do, too, with Steven Reid getting a few games under his belt before next month's meeting with Russia. An ankle injury ruled him out of Blackburn's opening game of the season and Tuesday's friendly against Australia - his straight red card, on his debut against Bolton on Saturday, will further reduce his playing opportunities before September 6th. Graeme Souness ("I thought it was a great challenge") will be appealing against the dismissal.

An eventful Saturday, too, for Michael Doyle, Coventry's summer recruit from Celtic, who failed to make any new friends on his trip to Ipswich Town's Portman Road. "It was the most blatant elbow I've seen in a while, I'm staggered how the lad stayed on the pitch," said Ipswich manager Joe Royle of the 10th minute incident that saw Doyle, well, "make contact" with Fabian Wilnis. Then? Doyle earned Coventry a point with an equaliser, one he celebrated by doing an Irish jig in front of the Ipswich fans. Brave lad. Cheeky, too.

Loose tongues

Our e-mailer Shane was amused to hear the FAI implore the crowd at Lansdowne Road last Tuesday to "kick out racism", and then proceed to play Tie Me Kangaroo Down over the speakers, including that verse sensitive to the historical experience of Aborigines in Australia: "Let me Abos go loose, Lou, Let me Abos go loose, They're of no further use, Lou, So let me Abos go loose".

As Shane put it: "Strewth!". And "strewth" was all you could really say to Rod Curtis's report on the game in Australian newspaper The Age - "After the match Chris White, the stadium's maintenance man, pushed a trolley across the grass. "Oh, I tawt Australia was very good," he sing-songed away. "Probably a fair result would have been a draw. But ah, not to worry, it's all good fun." Right you are Mr White, right you are." Begorrah.

Quotes of the week

"In the last 10 minutes I was breathing out of my arse."

- Clinton Morrison, whose lungs, evidently, were caught out of position against Australia.

"I bet you two would have loved to play with him, what with those balls."

- Ray Wilkins, praising David Beckham, leaves fellow Sky Sports pundits Joe Royle and Alan Shearer speechless (Dangerhere.com).

"That's going to happen a lot, teams will be at their most dangerous against us when we have the ball."

- After watching his team lose 5-1 to Blackburn Wolves manager Dave Jones concludes they'd be better off giving the ball away.

"They've got the footballing brains of a rocking horse."

- Keith Curle suggests his Mansfield team share the intellectual capabilities of a brick.

Goodnight and goodbye

Commiserations to Laura Church, Gillingham's nutrition expert and fitness coach, who has been sacked by the club, only a month after being hired, for sending "midnight text messages" to one of their players, Chris Hope. "We'd beaten Canvey Island 7-0 in a pre-season friendly," she explained. "When I got home at midnight I texted him, saying: 'Brilliant game, well done. You're a brilliant player.' I didn't think anything of it, boosting players' confidence is all part of my job, but things went berserk."

Hope's wife Lisa was so irked she complained to club chairman Paul Scally, who duly asked Church to "leave". Church, a former Miss Universe runner-up, says she has been sacked because the players' loved ones are jealous of her, well, shapeliness, and has vowed to fight the dismissal. Lisa, though, argues her only problem with the messages was that her husband "had a big enough ego as it was".

Song of the week

"Steve McClaren came to town, riding on a pony, Sunderland have got Phil Babb, but we've got Maccarone."

- Middlesbrough supporters rub salt in to the wounds of their north-east neighbours.

Fat man sings

We enjoyed the London Evening Standard's review of Who Ate All The Pies, The Life And Times Of Mick Quinn, the autobiography of the chubbiest man ever to play soccer, who, he reveals, was greeted on his arrival at Newcastle with a banner that read: "Who the **** is Mick Quinn?". We suggest Quinn avoid holidaying in Clones any day soon. Quote: "Meeting your heroes is often a bad move: Barry McGuigan can talk a glass eye to sleep."

More quotes of the week

"Hector has once again rammed himself down my throat, and that's brilliant."

- Wrexham manager Denis Smith on his intimate relationship with striker Hector Sam.

"If I'm not in the team I will find out where he lives and send the boys round."

- Jamie Carragher hints that he's ready to battle Steve Finnan for Liverpool's right back spot.

"Bad on the right, worse in the middle."

- Spanish paper AS's glowing verdict on David Beckham's display against Valencia.

"I was asked to see one in France and I came out of it with my arm around him consoling him."

- Mick McCarthy on his only brush with a sports psychologist.

"He had to come off, he'd got cramp in both legs and in his hair."

- Birmingham's Steve Bruce on Robbie "Goldilocks" Savage.

Divine intervention

After the start they've had to the season (played three, lost three, scored one, conceded 10) Dundee United must feel someone up there doesn't like them. Well, it's official - a higher power is working against them.

They were set to sign Marvin Andrews from Livingston last week when the Trinidadian pulled out of the deal, revealing "God has advised me to remain at Livingston."

"I don't think we should make a joke of the situation", said United manager Ian McCall, "but we can't compete with other forces."