Spiritual lessons to be learned from women

Women's voices have much wisdom to offer society and the Church

Women's voices have much wisdom to offer society and the Church. When will we learn to listen to them, asks Desmond O'Donnell

If the voices of women were heard on parish councils, would a paedophile priest have been moved around ? The evidence overwhelmingly says no.

It is obvious that more women attend church, but are women more religious ? A survey* of third-level educated Irish women between the ages of 20 and 35 provides data showing that their religious beliefs seem to be of a deeper quality than those of men. It also shows that they have more demanding moral standards and that they put more emphasis on relationships.

Faith is surely the quality of one's relationship with God and with others. The stronger orientation which women have towards relationships makes them not just more religious and more moral, but more spiritual than men. This survey suggests that the religious edge which women seem to have is based on their marked orientation towards interdependence. The survey confirms that women are more comfortable in relationships. It shows that mothers massively outweigh fathers in their ability to communicate love to their children in early life and even as young adults. Mother's love was perceived to be strong, or very strong, by 93 per cent of the respondents while father's love received support from 78 per cent.

READ MORE

This difference also showed up on communication - 71 per cent said they could communicate easily or very easily with their mothers, while only 49 per cent said the same about their fathers. Then, as adults, when asked what would most enhance their lives, 57 per cent of young women said friendship and a loving marriage relationship while only 43 per cent of young men said so. When asked about their experience of God, women scored higher than men on peace, trust, joy, being loved and on giving love, while men scored higher on doubt, anxiety and fear. While 63 per cent of women surveyed say they have a personal relationship with Christ, only 52 per cent of men say so.

Religious psychologist Laurence Kohlberg published his research on moral development. Carol Gilligan then produced evidence that as far as Kohlberg's research went, "females simply do not exist".

After producing interview data neglected by Kohlberg, Gilligan writes: "Since women define their identity through relationships of intimacy and care, the moral decisions they make are motivated differently than those of men". It is surely clear that had women been on the inside they would have stopped paedophile priests very quickly.

Asked in the survey why they act morally, 70 per cent of women said they did so because it means being true to themselves. Only 61 per cent of men offered the same reason. Women experience healthy guilt more frequently. While 15 per cent of the men said they never feel guilt, only 4 per cent of women said so.

Women's relational orientation, as stressed by Gilligan, emerged clearly in Irish women's definition of "sin". Some 49 per cent of these women and only 32 per cent of men defined sin as hurting others. Again, women regard sexual intercourse more seriously then men do; 53 per cent of women regard it as a sign of total and final commitment while only 30 per cent of men think so.

It was defined by 16 per cent of men as just a bit of fun; only 3 per cent of women agreed with this; 61 per cent of single men said they were sexually active and only 46 per cent of women said so.

Women favour deeper commitment in marriage, with 79 per cent saying that marriage should last until the death of a partner compared with 67 per cent of men. Finally, the survey asked respondents to rate 28 generally-accepted immoral behaviours in terms of seriousness. On 27 of these, women demanded higher standards than men did.

Women also outscored men on the quality of belief in the supernatural; 62 per cent of young Irish women and 57 per cent of men are certain there is life after death; 58 per cent of young men believe that Christ is divine compared with 66 per cent of women; 45 per cent of women pray each day against 32 per cent of men who do so. When it comes to religious behaviour, a similar pattern is seen; 58 per cent of these young women go to weekly Mass compared with 41 per cent of men.

It may also be of interest that in the survey, women handle stress better - 81 per cent said that for them life was "a manageable up and down" while only 73 per cent of men said so. Is this connected to their more spiritual outlook ?

Gilligan shows that the female personality defines itself more in terms of connectedness and continuity with others, while the masculine personality does so more in terms of separation and discontinuity. The male model is generally based on logical, hierarchical judgment, while compassion in the sense of feeling with others seems to be the norm for women. Men fear being caught in the web and women fear being stranded at the edge. Men's social orientation is positional while women's is personal. Few women would stand silent before the sexual abuse of a child.

Women's voices coming from relationally-oriented hearts have much wisdom to offer society and the Church. If women had decision-making roles in parishes, would the priest have been moved around? The results of this survey may be alerting the Church to the need for stressing still more that religion is primarily a relationship, and only consequentially obedience to laws or fidelity to regular worship. A good relationship with God and with others can provide the best motivation for doing the right thing and celebrating it. When will we listen deeply to and learn from women?

* Published by Dominican Publications