THIS WEEK's Magpie Bah Humbug Why Don't You Just Sod Off and Get Yourself a LifeAward (recently created, it must be acknowledged) goes to Dr Nathan Grills of Monash University in Victoria, Australia, where we hope he stays and has a very hot, sticky and altogether uncomfortable Christmas.
Why so? Because Dr Grills has just declared that Santa is a bad role model who encourages obesity, drink-driving and risk-taking.
God save us but it’s been a bad enough year! Do we have to end on this note? ’Fraid so!
“To create a supportive environment for Santa’s dieting we should cease the tradition of leaving him cookies, mince pies, and milk, brandy, or sherry,” according to the Doc. “This is bad not only for Santa’s waistline but for parental obesity. Santa might also be encouraged to adopt a more active method to deliver toys – swapping his reindeer for a bike, or walking or jogging.”
According to Dr Grills, who comes to our attention via the Christmas edition of the British Medical Journal,Santa is overweight because of the quantities of pies and alcohol left for him by families worldwide.
Consequently, Father Christmas must be over the limit while driving his sleigh, after all those beers, brandies and sherries – and he doesn’t even wear a seatbelt!
Australia’s regulation of Santa impersonators was also criticised by Dr Grills, who said health checks should be imposed on participants before they are kissed and hugged by a succession of “snotty-nosed kids”.
“The potential for Santa in his asymptomatic phase to propagate an infectious disease is clear,” he said.
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DEAR SANTA,
As you, Rudolph and the lads whoosh across Australia next Thursday night, specifically, as you pass over Monash University’s department of epidemiology and preventative medicine, please pull the chain. – Sincerely yours, Magpie
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IT GETS worse!
Lawyers have warned that sexist Kris Kindle gifts could lead to lawsuits later. Sending risqué or tongue-in-cheek gifts could provide grounds for claims for harassment or sexual or religious discrimination, according to employment lawyers. Even giving a female co-worker a cookbook or a kitchen gadget could be deemed sexist, a firm of English solicitors has warned.
The likes of giving a colleague lacy underwear, or a greying co-worker a bottle of hair dye as a joke, are among gift ideas fraught with potential legal danger. Giving anonymous gifts to colleagues whose names are picked at random has become a popular custom in offices.
Last year a policeman in Luton, Bedfordshire, was forced to resign after giving a Muslim officer a packet of bacon and a bottle of wine as a secret Father Christmas present. His colleague did not complain but the incident was reported to senior officers, leading to the PC’s resignation.
The PC was, it seems, not pc enough, if you get us.
Neeta Laing, head of employment law at law firm Lewis Hymanson Small, based in Manchester, said: “Workers should think carefully before buying their colleague a present that could be viewed as offensive. Use your common sense; for example, don’t give religious colleagues alcohol or offensive magazines, or female workers kitchenware.”
Common sense would seem to be in dire short supply.
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AND FINALLY, Associated Press journalists have just voted Tiger Woods. . . Athlete of the Decade.