Madam, - While I was stuck in traffic recently, the following ideas came to my mind for worsening traffic congestion in our cities:
1. Widen footpaths at busy junctions so as to terminate the inner traffic lane. This is guaranteed to create a tailback (Custom House Quay is a model in this respect).
2. Reduce road capacity by introducing more bus and cycle lanes (empty over most of their length) in place of traffic lanes (generally full).
3. Eliminate car parking bays by converting them to taxi ranks, loading bays, elongated bus stops or whatever else comes to mind (e.g. Garda parking). This ensures motorists continue to circulate looking for parking and adding to the congestion.
4. Introduce "pedestrian pauses" at traffic light changes to facilitate non-existent pedestrians, all of whom have crossed earlier. This ensures all traffic is at a complete standstill at regular intervals.
5. Create central islands to close off traffic lanes. Where possible, these are to be wide enough to accommodate mass meetings and pop concerts.
6. Clutter up suburban roads, regardless of their effectiveness, with unsightly bumps signposted "ramps" (which they are not) to provide "traffic calming" (which they do not). Further confuse motorists by varying these in character from the potentially dangerous to the utterly useless. Their success can be gauged from an increase in journey times (so more congestion), car damage, ambulance delays, back injuries, road maintenance costs and cyclists' and motorists' blood pressure.
7. Ensure construction works such as Luas do not have more than two machines and four men working at any time on a site so as to maintain traffic disruptions.
8. Operate clamping measures ostensibly to free traffic but, in fact, to extort cash from motorists. Thus, clamping in cul-de-sacs, lightly trafficked side roads and during off-peak traffic hours are legitimate practices.
Congratulations to Dublin road planners for implementing all the above with the now familiar result. Their efforts have been so successful that the next step is obvious - introduce a congestion tax to squeeze more money from meekly compliant motorists.
What has happened, one wonders, to the motorists' lobby? - Yours, etc.,
REDMOND HOLLOWAY, Ranelagh, Dublin 6.