Sir, - I wish to comment on the current abortion debate from the perspective of a lone parent.
In 1994, aged 24, I realised I was pregnant. Not being in a very stable relationship, and having barely finished college, I went to one of the "pro-life" counselling agencies. After 10 minutes of very basic advice - "go to Holles Street Hospital, have a pregnancy test and see a social worker there" - I was considered "counselled". I never entertained the thought of abortion as I felt it was ethically wrong.
The only option for me was to have the child. I did consider adoption, but couldn't go through with it. I rationalised that I was an intelligent, educated woman in a modern, open and somewhat affluent society, well capable of raising and providing for a child. While I don't regret this decision, I do feel that if I had been fully aware of the reality of heading a one-parent family in Ireland I would certainly have had an abortion.
In the past six years I have experienced much discrimination, both overt and hidden. My morals are immediately prejudged; I have been verbally abused in public places: I have been humiliated in social welfare offices, the family law courts and in the work place. Complete strangers feel it necessary to pass comment on my "situation" and judge my child-rearing abilities; and, while I have been able to limit the extent to which my son has been exposed to such prejudice thus far, I know it is only a matter of time before he too will be hurt by the all too ready opinions of others.
In continuing with the pregnancy and having my son outside marriage I have lost the respect of my parents and family; they are supportive, but there is always the underlying notion, reinforced by the media and society on the whole, that I have failed them.
Even though I work full-time and earn a reasonable salary, due to exorbitant rent and childcare costs, I am little better off than if I were receiving a social welfare allowance. There is also the added guilt and frustration that my son is growing up and I rarely get to spend more than the weekends with him. Limited annual leave, used up during school term, leaves me facing yet another summer of working without a break, trying not to think of the summers of my childhood. The new parental leave (unpaid) just reinforces my belief that single parents are very subtly and indirectly punished by society for choosing to have and to raise their children.
For most of those I studied with, the situation is very different. You see, they are the Celtic Tiger kids, the most affluent generation in Ireland ever. I don't mean to sound bitter, because I'm not - just rather sad. I wish to point out that the sacrifices expected and extracted from single parents in Ireland today are not just financial. Quality of life, respect from society, ability to be the parent you want to be with freedom and control over your life, and the life of your child, are also lost. Reading your article on abortion (Features, July 4th) confirmed to me that, though not openly promoted as the optimum option for an unplanned pregnancy, abortion may be the more viable and socially acceptable option. - Yours, etc.,
C. McManus, Harolds Cross, Dublin 6.