YOU probably heard the single shot when the Irish entry to the Eurovision Song Contest surged ahead of the competition to make victory inevitable. Yet again. It was merely the head accountant doing what RTE head accountants have regularly been doing at this time of year. Yet again. There is even a special VAT registered RTE silver revolver with special tax deductible cartridges attached by a silver chain to the head accountant's desk.
The general opinion is that Ireland has won the Eurovision Song Contest four times in the past five years. Not true. It has, won it five times in the past five years, only last year we called the Irish winner Norwegian, so sparing one head accountant his life - and the station some £2 1/2 million.
This year, however, we were back to our bad old ways and obliging the decorators to pop into the head accountant's office to pollyfilla and paper over that nasty pock mark and stain. A dab of paste here smooth it down there.
Will this mean an end to swaying Celtic maidens in Eurovision, either of the Irish variety or, as last year, purporting to be Norwegian? Will Ireland next year be represented by some sturdy lass from Westmeath in wellingtons and false teeth bawling some country and western ditty? Shag it, we'd probably win again anyway.
Deadlier Curse
But a far deadlier curse than this annual Eurofest, with swaying Enyas and elfin like bodrhan drummers hammering out an intoxicating rhythm of pure Celtery, comes from the same quarter that it has always come from the Government.
Governments always hate RTE, no matter their complexion. They feel that RTE is some disobedient child, called into existence by Dail Eireann but wilfully negligent of its responsibilities to its parents ever since. Politicians enter political life for power. They expect to be obeyed in their bailiwicks. And they regard the national broadcasting service as their bailiwick.
It is not. But it seems to be, the political masters of RTE cave the classic whore's prerogative of possessing power without responsibility. They have the power to order RTE to do things; but they do not accept responsibility for getting those things done.
Thus it has been for Teilifis de Lorean. The Government commands that it be so, and RTE is expected to make it so, regardless of popular wishes and practical budgetary considerations. This is idiocy. There is no other area in public life where duties are allocated regardless of funds, desires or responsibilities.
RTE certainly is charged with responsibility for promoting the Irish language; but it is not charged with making good the failures which have occurred elsewhere. The reason why people do not speak Irish is not because RTE has failed in its duty; it is because the Irish people have voted with their tongues. They have chosen not to speak Irish, though maintaining that they would like to see Irish revived - by other people, presumably. And other people, writ large in Irish life, means RTE.
Nonsensical Pretence
In the absence of people speaking Irish in their real world, we will have the make believe world of Teilifis de Lorean pretending that this is an Irish speaking nation; for the idiotic, nonsensical period of one hour a night.
This will cost RTE £5 million a year and will achieve nothing except to create 200 jobs in the minister's constituency. Lord love a duck, what a coincidence.
The one hour of nightly broadcasting will bring it directly in line with the early days of the BBC at Crystal Palace, circa 1937. It is blind, wilful folly, a squandering of human resources to satisfy platitudinous aspirations in the breach, though not in the observance.
If we wanted to speak Irish, we would do so. We obviously do not. Do the civil servants of Michael Higgins, the Minister for Arts, Culture and the Gaeltacht, all conduct their business in Irish? One hour a night of television on an unwatched channel will not alter the truth that they do not. Spending £5 million a year on. TdeL will not alter that truth either. We have the experience of Raidio na Gaeltachta to indicate what the popular will in this matter is after 20 years of, broadcasting, its audience is 1 per cent of the over-15s.
Should not the Government continue to promote the first, national language? To say no, would be to invite accusations of quislingery; so all I will do is point out that three quarters of a century of language promotion, at the cost of thousands of millions of pounds, has seen the language standing at the edge of the grave and gazing at the clay.
Meagre Resources
No matter, if the Government wants RTE to rescue Irish, it should allocate resources accordingly. In effect, it has done the reverse. Despite the recommendations from SKC for index linking, the licence fee costs the same as it did 10 years ago - £62. The cable charge to the viewer is twice that.
That licence fee not merely must pay for two television stations, five radio stations and two orchestras, but also must compensate for the national failure to speak the first national tongue.
This is silly. No doubt the ambition to re create an Irish speaking nation is an honourable and decent one. But have we the courage to say the truth? The truth is that virtually nobody wants to speak Irish, apart from language activists forcing RTE to spend money it hasn't got will not alter that truth. But the important thing is that it makes those who command RTE - the politicians - feel so much better.
They would not feel better if the £5 million required for the 60 minute TdeL nightly folly came out of their ministerial budget. We should hear less then of TdeL rescuing the cultural heritage of our land. The expression is, I believe: put your money where your mouth is. If not, accept reality. RTE cannot do what it is called on to do by the Government on a yearly licence fee which would buy you this newspaper from January 1st to March 13th. And then runs out.