EURO 2002 ROAD TRIP: DAY 1:I HAVEN'T heard from Joxer lately, and I don't know if his mate Whacker is Poland-bound either. But for many of us veterans of Stuttgart 88, the forthcoming trip to Poznan and beyond promises to be a journey into the past.
In many ways, it’ll be like old times: the grim economic backdrop; the need to change currencies when visiting another European country; Ireland having a manager with a funny accent and limited English. They even still have smoking in some Polish pubs, I’m told. And yet time has moved on too, by a shocking 24 years.
Davy Keogh sums up the complications of middle-age fandom. The owner of the most famous flag in Irish football made his big tournament debut in Stuttgart, when he and a mere 13 friends travelled in a minibus and slept rough.
Since then Davy has travelled all over the world, and his name has gone almost corporate.
The company (“Saying hello since 1988”) quadrupled in size to 54 friends for the latest tournament: a big logistical challenge. So much so that for a while they considered buying a second-hand bus from a man in Kerry, and putting a toilet and other facilities in it.
But it was a 1991 bus and, as Davy himself pointed out, if it broke down, “we’d be goosed”. So instead, the group is flying to Berlin and then hiring a fleet of seven mini-buses to transport them through Poland where, unlike in 1988, it’ll be “hotels all the way”.
A combination of advancing age and prohibitive Irish camper van rental costs – some companies prohibited football fans full-stop – has persuaded many of us to cheat on road trips this time, and start on the European mainland.
In 1988, with three friends, I drove Joxer-like (albeit in a Ford Escort, rather than a van) from Dublin to Stuttgart. But during the intervening years, parenthood and the cumulative effect of hearing the question “are we there yet?” 300 times on every trip have taken their toll.
That’s why, this time, I’m skipping England and starting in Amsterdam; or in an obscure town somewhere east of Amsterdam, where – I hope – the last available rental camper van in northern Europe awaits.
There are no such luxuries for another group currently heading to the Euros. Despite having to do it the really hard way, the Pedal-to-Poland charity cyclists left Ireland last week in both high spirits and high temperatures. Then, somewhere over the Pennines, the short-lived summer vanished.
As luck would have it, a late addition to their sponsors (Stena), had the effect of adding about 250km of rain and windswept England to their already-epic itinerary: getting to the ferry port in Harwich. So the group washed up in the Hook of Holland on Monday like drowned rats. And as if they weren't wet enough on the outside, one of the assorted ailments they'd picked up en route was fluid on the knee. They had to take a day off to regroup and are now under pressure to reach their destination – Gdansk, for the Spain game – on time. The good news is that it's all downhill from here, or at least flat. Anyone who wants to reward their suffering, and several good causes, can do so via pedaltopoland.com
No Poland-bound vehicle, not even the push-bike, encapsulates the state of Ireland 2012 quite like the one that will carry a trio of friends from Sligo and Roscommon to the tournament.
Searching for a do-it-yourself camper, Fergal Mannion and his pals bought a decommissioned ambulance: 17 years old, multiple previous owners, probably not careful. Desperate as their plan might sound, however, the vehicle had been enjoying retirement in a field at Knock airport. So as well as being a metaphor for the state of Ireland, it also hints at the possibility of miracles. And if the bookies are right, we’ll need one in Poland.
In the meantime it has, at least, been miraculously transformed, with beds, a table, and an improvised fridge. The hope now is that, despite having 300,000 miles on the clock, the engine will be up to the 17-hour trip from Cherbourg where, cutting it fine for Sunday’s match, the lads arrive on Friday.
The ambulance crew are first-timers at a major tournament, and will announce their arrival loudly, thanks to the vehicle’s green-white-and-orange livery and an improvised PA system (the retired siren) sharing Irish football ballads with an unsuspecting continent. Like most Irish fans, its occupants may face a dilemma if the team does defy the form-books and qualify for the knock-out stages. Unlike 1988, when for many of us, the disappointment of the late defeat to Holland was tinged with unspoken relief that, having run out of time and petrol money, we would not have to go home and watch the Johnny-come-latelys passing us in the other direction, en route to semi-final glory.
In fact, two of the ambulance three have to get back to Ireland after the group games, whatever happens. But Fergal and others have contingency plans.
A friend visited the old Crimean War battlefields recently and gave me his Rough Guide to the Ukraine, “just in case”. In a similar spirit, I’ve packed it with the sun cream.
Frank McNally will be travelling to Poland via Amsterdam, Munster (the German one), and Berlin, and reporting daily in The Irish Times.
See our Euro 2012 magazine inside.