Strapped to a bed, Joan remembers being wheeled into the small room of the psychiatric hospital, a nurse placing electrodes on her temples, before falling under the influence of a general anaesthetic.
With the push of a button, enough electricity to light a 50-watt bulb passed through her skull. While many patients say ECT has been remarkably beneficial in helping to overcome depression, Joan says that six years later she is still coming to terms with its long-term side effects.
"I remember that first time waking up with a severe headache, taking an hour to know my name . . . It was just very, very frightening.
"I have still big gaps in my long-term memory to this day. I have no recollection of being at my brother's wedding years ago. They had to show me photos to convince me I was at it. I get stuck for words easily, I go blank in the middle of sentences and don't know what I'm talking about.If I'm reading something like an article in the paper, I might have to read it 20 times before it makes sense."
Over the course of 16 years as an involuntarily detained patient, she says she received in the region of 150 doses of ECT against her will. Treatment was generally administered three mornings a week over a period of up to 12 weeks, followed by a break of a month or six weeks.
Joan was in her early 20s when she was admitted to a psychiatric hospital with severe depression.
While official guidelines state that consent of patients must be sought in the administration of ECT, Joan says she does not recall being asked.
"I wouldn't have given it. It's something you get used to [as an involuntarily detained patient], because you're forcibly medicated if you don't take it."
These days she says she is glad to see some hospitals are phasing out ECT. But she accepts that it has benefits for some patients. "It should be used as a treatment of last resort rather than as a sort of wonder treatment," she says.
Now aged 44, she has recovered much of her old life and is working in a voluntary group helping psychiatric patients come to terms with mental illness.
