Promiscuous notes getting to Gerry as Finian revs up

DÁIL SKETCH:THE WAGES of sin may be debt but it seems the road to our financial salvation is paved with promiscuous notes.

Meanwhile, the Anglo bondholders disappear over the horizon with not so much as a hint of fluff singed from their comfortable backsides.

They’ll be paid another billion or so from the national purse today. Then there’s the national assets. The troika has them in a vice-grip.

Thank heavens for the Donnycarney Eagle, who is keeping an eye on the Middle East for us while Michael Noonan takes our promiscuous notes on a frolic to Europe.

With so much happening it’s hard to keep up with Leaders’ Questions . . . Which is probably why so few TDs bothered to turn up for the session yesterday.

Fianna Fáil’s Éamon Ó Cuív stood in for his leader Micheál Martin, whose father died at the weekend. It was a triumph for Young Dev because he managed to get through his two questions without once mentioning septic tanks.

He was concerned about our national assets and the role of the troika in pushing for them to be sold. The Government wants the proceeds to go towards job creation but our financial overlords were more keen for it to go towards debt reduction.

What is the state of play? The Taoiseach assured Ó Cuív no pressure is being exerted to sell off everything. However, the good news is that “there is a great deal of interest being expressed in the potential of a number of national assets”. Apparently, Turkey wants to buy Twink.

The French hotel industry has its eye on Francis Brennan.

And the Germans have put in a very attractive offer on Jedward.

Gerry Adams is not happy about the promiscuous notes.

Tell the ECB we can’t afford them, he told the Taoiseach. Furthermore, tell them we can’t pay the bondholders the €1.25 billion that’s due to them today.

The Sinn Féin leader reminded Enda that it wasn’t that long ago (the election campaign, actually) when he and his colleagues were thundering that not “one red cent” more would be paid over by Ireland to cover the Anglo debt.

Not so fast, shot back Enda. He said no such thing.

“You’re a great man to take the words and use them for your own benefit,” he remarked. What they actually said was that they would not spend an extra cent over what had already been committed by the previous administration.

That gave everyone a great laugh.

Except for Gerry, who suffered yet another unfortunate bilingual rush of blood to the head. “Pick thuas an phone agus seas suas” and tell Alan Dukes you won’t be paying over the money, he said.

Enda accused him of playing “fantasy politics”. He may then have mentioned something about Michael Noonan doing sterling work with promiscuous notes in Europe, but it was hard to concentrate on what he was saying because a woman in blue was standing in the public gallery, right up at the glass, staring, fixated, at the Taoiseach.

Perhaps she was trying to place his pink tie. That’s right, missus, it was very much like the one he wore when he made his Would Ya Look at the State of the Nation television address. Except that he auctioned that one for charity.

Does he have a stash of them at home? Young Dev, by the way, was also wearing a pink tie. Gerry rather let the side down with his conservative navy number. But then he sat down and we saw he was sporting shocking pink socks.

The Taoiseach said he remembered Adams telling him to tell the troika to go home and take their money with them. Where would that have left us? “Speak about reality, a little bit of truth and leave your hypocrisy outside the door.” Instead, Gerry fulminated about the identity of these “unsecured gamblers”, the Anglo bondholders.

Enda gave his final word.

“We are not going to have the name ‘defaulters’ written across our foreheads.” Not when we’re actively looking for a write-down of the promiscuous notes.

Whereupon Finian McGrath of the technical group went global. He wanted to know why the Government agreed to sanctions on Iran over their nuclear weapons policy.

“You’re spreading your wings, Finian,” whooped Pat Rabbitte.

Setting aside the moral aspect of the decision, Finian then spoke as a driver of a diesel car. “Diesel is expensive enough, and it will go through the roof as a result of your actions,” he said.

So will the rest of us, if Iran presses the red button.

He quoted a man who was on the radio. “David Horgan is from Clontarf and he’s an experienced man on the Middle East and he does a lot of work in the oil industry and he says your policy is mad.” Rabbitte was in like lightning. “I knew there had to be a local angle.”

Enda picked up on it. “You raised the Clontarf angle here. We did get a result in respect of the sea wall for you some time ago. I do hope that pragmatism and common sense will prevail in Iran.”