Miriam Lord: What goes on in Gerry Adams’s head?

Did someone mention the Kama Sutra?

The mere mention was enough to unleash fresh thoughts from Gerry Adams on his unsettling teddy bear obsession.

The morning had been lively enough, with the Taoiseach carrying out a crunching public tackle on his Minister for Jobs during Leaders’ Questions, ably assisted by the leader of Fianna Fáil who couldn’t believe his luck when Enda piled in with him against Mary Mitchell O’Connor.

Mitchell O’Connor’s suggestion that returning emigrants in professional jobs should be given a lower tax rate than their peers who stayed at home was greeted with disbelief by Micheál Martin.

The wheeze was “bananas”. (The word was made for Micheál’s Cork accent.)

Enda Kenny, after very little persuading from across the floor, more or less agreed.

The Opposition went ape.

And the Taoiseach, having just taken the legs out from under one of his own Cabinet Ministers, didn’t appear in the least bit bothered.

Mary must be livid. But at least she wasn’t in the chamber to endure the indignity inflicted upon her political judgment by her own boss.

Enda didn’t actually repeat the word “bananas” but he couldn’t have made himself clearer had he taken one out of his pocket and peeled it.

Smuggling instruments

At about the same time, a group of distinguished Irish musicians were in the process of smuggling their instruments into Leinster House.

The event was organised by Labour Party TD for Westmeath, Willie Penrose, who is on a crusade to get Irish radio stations to impose a 40 per cent Irish music quota on their playlists.

He invited an impressive array of well-known musicians to tell his political colleagues in Leinster House why this quota needed to go into legislation.

But hierarchal Leinster House is full of outmoded rules and regulations and Penrose, who was launching his amendment to the Broadcasting Bill, was informed that musical performances are not allowed on the plinth.

As for letting his guests belt out a tune in the Leinster House audio visual room, where their meeting was due to take place: he could forget about that.

So the players and singers held an impromptu hooley on the footpath outside the gates of Leinster House before swarming up their plinth with guitars and the like hidden by overcoats, shopping bags and Labour TDs walking closely beside them.

A large number of politicians from all parties were waiting in the AV room.

Journalists who came to hear Penrose and the musicians briefing them were turned away at the door. No media allowed. Something to do with rules.

The meeting lasted two hours. It wasn’t long before the singing started. One of the Foster and Allens was there. A couple of beards from the Dubliners and another white beard from Fiddler’s Green.

There was a chap called Michael English who was a lovely singer, “just like Nathan Carter”.

And more besides, all breaking the rules with the TDs and Senators warbling away with them.

All very odd. Which, unfortunately, brings us on to the afternoon.

Nifty one-liner

It was Sinn Féin’s Louise O’Reilly who came out with a nifty one-liner about Fianna Fáil’s current stance on Irish Water.

“Let’s be honest,” said the TD for Dublin Fingal, “they’ve had more positions than the Kama Sutra on this issue.”

She got a good laugh from the chamber. Next up was Adams.

“I commend teachta O’Reilly for that line and I’m sorry I didn’t think of it myself. But anyway, Fianna Fáil and the Kama Sutra – the mind boggles,” he chuckled, to uproarious laughter from the his party benches. He seemed pensive. Then he smiled broadly.

“So, mmm . . . ehh . . . yeah . . . my teddy bears . . . my teddy bears are virgins, a Cathaoirleach.”

For one moment, we thought he might be saying his toys are vegans. But no.

And nobody laughed.

Probably too busy thinking: What goes on in that man’s head?

He fairly ruined his party’s latest outing on the Irish Water issue. Everyone was just waiting for the next Kama Sutra reference.

Labour's Jan O'Sullivan didn't think much of the attempt to make the Irish Water saga sexy. She thought it more like Groundhog Day or "like a Beckett play: Waiting for Godot".

Of one thing she was certain.

“It has none of the excitement of the Kama Sutra, I have to say.”

A delight Gerry Adams’s teddy bears have yet to experience.

No doubt he’ll tell us all when the earth moves.