DÁIL SKETCH:IT WAS a very confusing morning.

“Celebrities DO go wild,” remarked the Taoiseach before breakfast, wearing his voice-of-experience face.

But he didn’t elaborate.

Whatever did he mean? How does he know? Is he hanging out with Bono’s peahens? Then, just before elevenses, Enda told the Dáil: “I have every sympathy for the people of Gaza . . . I’ve been there.” This was refreshingly honest from Taoiseach Kenny.

He probably treated them to one of his famous motivational speeches. As if they haven’t suffered enough. They certainly deserve every sympathy.

Sympathy, it has to be said, was thin on the ground for Independent celebrity deputy Michael Healy-Rae, battling to explain how 3,636 votes he got in a TV reality show originated from Leinster House. Records show that the premium-rate calls could only have been made from phones assigned to TDs and senators or their personal staff.

Deputy Healy-Premium-Rate’s father, Jackie, was a TD at the time.

You can see how people might get suspicious.

“I am being scapegoated,” said Deputy Healy-Premium-Rate yesterday evening.

The Taoiseach entered the fray early yesterday morning.

“It might be funny if it weren’t as serious as it is. Celebrities do go wild. This money should be paid back, full stop.” Good old Enda. No sooner had he said this, than the Leinster House rumour mill cranked into action. Deputy Healy-Premium-Rate was apparently going to conduct a press conference out on the plinth and tell us all to go to hell, he wasn’t about be giving any money back.

The shame of it.

Journalists rang his office for details to be greeted by the pleasing lilting tones of a Kerryman. “Is that Deputy Healy-Rae?” “No. He’s not available at the moment.” “Oh, right. Who’s that?” “This is Jackie.” “Jackie!” “That’s right. Jackie. His son.” It was surreal.

While the Dáil discussed the European economic crisis and the situation in Greece, the media gathered outside, listening to Michael Healy-Rae as he did an interview on the one o’clock news.

Seán O’Rourke was in sparkling form, coming up with a new class of misdemeanour which he termed “incitement to phone”. Finally, the man of the moment arrived, with young Jackie (16) by his side. When building a dynasty, it’s never too young to blood the young fella in the rough and tumble of politics.

Michael wore his trademark cap. Young Jackie has no need of one, with his youthful head of black hair.

Back in the homeplace of Kilgarvan, Jackie snr was being chased by journalists for comments.

He didn’t want to talk, taking himself and his cap away from the microphone as fast as his big Merc could take him. “Go to Hell!” he told TV3’s Paul Byrne.

His son can’t afford to be so blunt. He has a Dáil seat to look after. Certain standards are required. He read out the letter he had written to the Ceann Comhairle setting out his side of the story.

“I write in response to the relevations [sic] that Oireachtas phones were used for the purpose of raising Funds for People in need. Obviously, raising funds for charity is very worthwhile but should not be done at the taxpayers’ expense . . .” he began.

“I had no hand, act or part in these calls,” he said, which is fair enough, as he was in the wilds of Connemara at the time.

It is possible that whoever was responsible for them also had no hand in the enterprise. Looking at the timing sequences of the calls, they could have been generated by a preset fax or an auto-dialler.

The deputy is of the view that the calls “came from all over the houses of the Oireachtas . . .” Fianna Fáil Senator Ned O’Sullivan from Listowel, got the ball rolling for his countyman by putting on the record that he could have voted for him at least a dozen times.

But that was about it.

However, Michael does not want this story to distract from the pressing national issues of the day. So he is selflessly picking up the tab.

“Every person who made those phone calls, I’m paying for every one of their phone calls now. I’m the only person in Ireland that’s paying for other people’s phone bills.” This is not true. The people of Ireland are paying for Deputy Healy-Rae’s phones, and phone bills, at the moment.

Muddying the waters, he added that he thinks the issue of the use of Oireachtas phones should be investigated.

As for those anonymous deputies and senators who voted for him, “other people did what they did and they should answer for it . . .” Who would they be? “I’m not going to go naming people.” In fairness, the calls cost just over €2,500. But the episode added much to the gaiety of the nation and provided a welcome distraction for a couple of days.

Compare that with €20 million or so spent on the Queen of England and Barack Obama for delivering the feel-good factor.

The bottom line for Deputy Healy Premium-Rate was clear: “Remember, this was a misuse, but it was for charity”.