Gibbering wrecks on all sides as political landscape shudders

LOOK AT them: our poor huddled mass of Ministers and their uncomfortable multiple briefs. The surviving six in Biffo’s badly concussed cabinet. Let’s have a bit of TLC for the BFG.

Not some tender loving care (although they wouldn’t say no) for the barely functioning Government, but a “temporary little consensus”.

It’s the kind thing to do.

True to form, Boutros Boutros Gormley stepped up to the mark yesterday.

The freshly backbenched leader of the Greens was anxious that the Finance Bill be given speedy passage through the Dáil. He was pleased to note that “a modicum of common sense” had broken out among the main Opposition parties and “a temporary little consensus” was in place.

From his new pew in the cheap seats, John Gormley mustn’t have been able to see the men of Sinn Féin further along the back row, although he can’t have failed to hear them, what with Caoimhghín Ó Caoláin fulminating “there should be no facilitation” and Gweedore geyser Pearse Doherty flaring up at regular intervals.

But it’s all about numbers. Once they stack up for the Government side, the Shinners can shout all they like but the Bill will go through at the weekend.

Boutros Boutros, while justifying his party’s decision to leave the coalition, reiterated that the Greens will be voting for the Bill in the national interest.

“Let us have an honest debate about this Finance Bill and an honest election,” he touchingly pleaded.

Some chance of that, judging by the underwhelmed snorts of enthusiasm elsewhere in the chamber.

John might not get his wish if Independent deputies Michael Lowry and Jackie Healy-Rae decide not to give their support. They will not be taken for granted in their push for valuable last-minute publicity. They are still looking into their hearts and milking the situation.

The first vote will be taken at midday today. If the pair of them desert the Government, Brian Cowen will be heading to the Áras this afternoon.

Of course, should this course of action appear likely, it would not be beyond the bounds of possibility for one or two Fine Gael or Labour deputies to unavoidably miss the vote due to unforeseen circumstances, thus saving Biffo’s bacon while saving the next government the headache of steering through the controversial Bill.

These things happen.

The Taoiseach began proceedings by informing the House that President McAleese had accepted the resignations of the Green ministers and junior ministers, naming the fallen few.

“No loss!” harrumphed Sleeveen, graciously.

Enda Kenny welcomed the imminent fall of the 30th Dáil, which would give the new administration a chance to bring “clarity and definition to a situation that has caused a deal of international confusion.” Eamon Gilmore echoed Inda’s comments, looking forward to “a fresh start” for the country.

His deputy leader, Joan Burton, sat beside him, more subdued than usual. This might be because she did a “Conor Lenihan” on Vincent Browne’s show the night before when appearing on a panel with her constituency rival, Joe Higgins. It was a bizarre episode – at one stage, she addressed the bemused Higgins as “Your MEPship” and we feared she might try to deck him with an uppercut.

Stress levels have been rising since the Dáil returned after Christmas. Fianna Fáil deputies are reduced to gibbering wrecks as they contemplate meltdown, but the two main Opposition parties are not much better. As the political landscape shifts, they nervously eye the growing threat from Sinn Féin, the loosely formed United Left Alliance, and a similar grouping mustering on the right.

Meanwhile, with growing alarm, they can just about make out the growing numbers of independent candidates massing on the horizon.

The only party benefiting from this is Sinn Féin and they are, rightly grabbing their opportunity with discipline and passion. Yesterday, they had Gerry Adams “addressing” the media outside the gates of Leinster House. The push is on.

Back in the Dáil, Brian Cowen was in combative mood, defending his approach to the IMF bailout and the economy. He reserved his ire for Caoimhghín and his “cynical” interpretation of last week’s failed Cabinet reshuffle – the results of which could be seen in the form of his concussed fellow Cabinet members: a gloomy sextet of fallen invincibles.

And as the Gweedore geyser continued to flare up angrily, Cowen deigned to excuse his excitability because “I know Deputy Doherty is a rookie”. If Pearse knew his Irish Constitution, the new deputy would be aware that he holds the office of Taoiseach with full authority.

There weren’t many Fianna Fáilers in the chamber for the proceedings. Understandable, perhaps, as they didn’t have any leader to follow inside.

There was no sign of Micheál Martin, the red-hot favourite to step into Brian’s shoes this afternoon after the leadership contest. With a day to go to the vote, he was getting a little edgy. Many’s the slip ’twixt cup and lip, and all that.

If he wins, and Fianna Fáil manages to squeek through as the main Opposition party, Leader’s Questions for the foreseeable future holds out the unappetising prospect of regular jousts between the Blond (Inda) and the Bland (Michealeen).

Brian Lenihan, still hoping he might sneak up on the rails, had to stay in the chamber for the finance debate. Mary Hanafin, one of the other contenders, appeared to be working on the speech she would be making to the parliamentary party last night.

When the chamber filled up after Sleeveen called yet another division, the game of musical chairs brought about by the Greens’ departure caused some amusement.

Mary O’Rourke found herself sitting in Paul Gogarty’s old seat and he was ensconced in hers. They must be the naughty chairs.