Miriam Lord’s Week: Alan Kelly not exactly gushing about Fianna Fáil’s Irish Water stance

It’s 17 months since the departure of Phil Hogan to Europe.

Irish Water was his baby. He abandoned it as soon as he could leg it to Brussels for the big job.

On his occasional return visits to Leinster House, Big Phil sweeps through the corridors with a continental air, looking royally pleased with himself.

Happy out. And why wouldn’t he be, now far removed from the almighty political mess he left behind?

You couldn’t say the same for Alan Kelly, left holding Irish Water when Hogan resigned as minister for the environment to spend more time with his new EU salary.

Kelly didn’t hold back in the Dáil on Wednesday when he excoriated Fianna Fáil for its decision to effectively sacrifice the national water utility for party gain and also strongly criticised Fine Gael for its decision to go along with it.

It was his best speech by far in a short but highly entertaining spell at senior government level. So much so that he got a raft of compliments afterwards from members of the two parties responsible for his damning speech in the first place.

“I believe we are about to witness the triumph of mediocrity over modernism, of short-termism over common sense, and immaturity over innovation” said Kelly.

Those worried FG and FF TDs who agree with him know they have infuriated the majority of their supporters who pay for their water – publicly or privately supplied – and accept the principle that clean water and sewage services come at a price.

Both parties say they had no real choice in the matter. Fianna Fáil made an election promise (when not really expecting to end up in a position where it would have to deliver) and Fine Gael claimed the alternative to rejecting a FF compromise proposal to temporarily suspend the charges would be a Dáil vote resulting in the certain abolition of Irish Water or another general election with, perhaps, a broadly similar outcome.

The truth – as opposed to the public pronouncements – is that both sides hold similar views on the water issue. They don’t oppose paying for it. Kicking the problem into an expert commission takes it off the table and off a fragile Dáil agenda.

Gerry Adams was in favour of paying for water around the same time that Big Phil Hogan was bailing out for Brussels. At first, when asked on radio if he would be paying his water charges, he said “it doesn’t affect me in so far, as, eh, I, in the North where my family home is, Sinn Féin stopped water charges . . .”

But will he not have to pay up south of the Border? “No, not, not, not to my knowledge.”

Head office issued a swift correction. “Gerry will pay the water charge on his house in Donegal and his constituency office. The house in Co Louth in which he stays belongs to a friend, so this is not a matter for Gerry.” Mary Lou McDonald, Pearse Doherty and Caoimhghín Ó Caoláin all said they would pay too. But that was all of 17 months ago, just before AAA candidate and anti-water charges campaigner Paul Murphy swiped the Dublin South West byelection from under Sinn Féin’s nose.

Gerry et al changed their tune in a “gesture of solidarity” with people who can’t afford the €3 weekly and in total solidarity with their plan to outdo Paul Murphy in the Won’t Pay department.

So that makes Murphy, his fellow members of the AAA-PBP Alliance and a number of Independent deputies the only politicians to emerge with honour in the Irish Water saga, no matter what people might think of their campaign. They’ve done no U-turns. They haven’t flip-flopped with the prevailing populist wind. It’s their victory. Not Micheál Martin’s and not Gerry Adams’s.

Joe Higgins must have been delighted this week. His Socialist Party colleague Ruth Coppinger, who now carries the flag in his Dublin West constituency, certainly was.

Sir Winston manages to shine despite media ‘blackout’

Our thoughts and prayers this morning are with the members of the Independent Alliance on the occasion of their most terrible loss.

Deepest sympathies to Kevin “Boxer” Moran, John Halligan, Michael Fitzlookit, Finian McGrath, Sean Canney and Sir Winston Churchtown, who are said to be “inconsolable” with relief. The terrible, definitive, news reached them yesterday after an earlier communication was inexplicably overlooked.

Senator Gerard Cruaghwell has left the Independent Alliance. That’s politics for you. One day, you’re celebrating a winning return to the Upper House. The next, you are solemnly considering your position and devastating colleagues with a bombshell announcement.

Yesterday, the Alliance’s six TDs adopted a united approach to government negotiations. The group is in the race for ministerial seats and Merrion Street baubles. Gerard was not a part of their negotiating team, and, according to his colleagues from the Lower House, he never expressed an interest in joining them.

However, with the effort to form a government nearing its end, Craughwell told the group of TDs by email he wanted to be part of the negotiating team. Apparently most of them, er, didn’t see the communication. Gerard, or Rumpole, as the rather long-winded independent Senator is called by some in the Seanad, dispatched a text.

“Guys, further to my email & text of yesterday afternoon & the fact that I got no reply or acknowledgement. I have considered my position overnight & decided that I can no longer be a part of the Independent Alliance. I wish you well in your negotiations for Government & all future endeavours. Regardless of this decision I will always be ready & willing to assist you or support you in any way I can. Kind regards Gerard.”

The six held a meeting earlier this week and agreed not to do any media for the rest of the day, whereupon they fanned out across the airwaves as usual. Yesterday, most of them could be found at teatime huddled around an iPhone on the plinth. Raging at Shane Ross, aka Sir Winston Churchtown, who was about to breach their blackout agreement. RTÉ’s David Davin-Power was passing the group, who jocosely informed him of their “media blackout”. “That’s odd,” said DDP, “he’s live on the Six-One [News]shortly.”

All politics is local as Heather joins singer’s drive for victory

Minister for Arts Heather Humphreys had a packed schedule last Sunday, what with it being the calendar centenary of the 1916 Rising.

But she really wanted to be at home, watching the final of RTÉ’s talent contest, The Voice of Ireland. Instead, she had to wait to hear the good news from her official driver, Philomena McGinn, whose son Michael Lawson (19) duly triumphed in the competition.

Philomena is the only female ministerial driver and hails from the same Monaghan hamlet as Heather – Aghabog. “She used to drive a bus in London, and could turn a car on sixpence,” says the Minister. Victory party Aghabog is very proud of Michael, who now lives up the road in Newbliss, where he works as a meat packer.

“He’s an absolutely wonderful singer and deserved to win,” said a delighted Heather, who attended his victory party on Monday in Aghabog GAA club.

We wondered if the Minister helped Lawson’s win by voting from her State-funded phone?

Michael Healy-Rae’s “Ring of Kerry” controversy is still talked about in Leinster House. This was when he won a TV reality show in 2007 and it emerged four years later that 3,636 of his votes – to a premium-line number – were from a phone in Leinster House. Healy-Rae said he didn’t make the calls, but paid back the money to ensure the taxpayer wasn’t out of pocket.

The Government Minister made a shocking admission.

“I pay for my own calls. The department gives me a phone, but I hardly ever use it. I’ve a good deal on my own phone package so it’s grand. I’m happier paying my own way – then I can say what’s mine is mine and that’s the end of it.”