Chilly Willie comes in from the cold; the early bird catches the scone; don't worry, be Paisley; Fianna Fáil spreads its tentacles; Greens help keep one pensioner happy; enthusiasm in the Dáil, and a private appeal from Bertie
If proof were needed of how insulated our highly-paid and highly-cosseted Government Ministers have become, it was provided this week by the wonderful Willie O'Dea.
Minister for Defence O'Dea travelled to Sweden on Wednesday to see the 100-strong Army contingent participate in a field training exercise with the Nordic Battlegroup. His trip took him inside the Arctic Circle, to a place called Jokkmokk, where the temperature was 14 degrees below freezing.
Imagine the surprise of his hosts when their Irish VIP emerged from a Swedish Air Force Hercules plane wearing his everyday attire of suit, crombie overcoat and a pair of leather city shoes. But their surprise would have been nothing compared to the shock experienced by Mr O'Dea when he got his first wallop of the sub-zero conditions.
Chilly Willie bravely made his way down the steps to the ice-covered tarmac, with neither hat nor gloves for protection. There, to compound his misery, his posh shoes were useless on the ice, and he had to be supported by two burly department officials - one holding each arm - as he tottered and slithered towards a waiting jeep.
He was driven to base camp where he met his ministerial counterparts from Sweden, Finland, Norway and Estonia.
"I look forward to seeing this exercise at first hand and to meeting our Irish troops and senior officers on the ground. It also provides an important opportunity to speak with my Nordic ministerial colleagues," said Willie before he set off from Ireland.
"Participation in such a 'boots on the ground' exercise provides a good opportunity for the skills and areas of responsibilities of our troops to be rigorously tested in as realistic a scenario as feasible: a scenario we are likely to face if the Nordic battlegroup is called upon to deploy on a UN mandated mission."
Unfortunately, it is not known if Mr O'Dea was able to avail of this important opportunity to speak with his Nordic colleagues, but the rattling of his teeth was registered by the local geological survey. He went outside to inspect the troops and, as always, locate the ones from Limerick. Underdressed and without a hat, he looked thoroughly miserable.
Clearly, he didn't think the "boots on the ground" nature of the exercise applied to him. Chilly Willie and his slippy shoes had to be nearly carried across the icy ground for a second time when he returned to the plane.
Now, I hear you ask, why didn't one of his fellow ministers give him the loan of a hat? Rumour has it that they were going to have a whip around to get him a hoodie, until they discovered he earns far in excess of their respective prime ministers. On €240k a year, the Nordic ministers would have concluded Chilly Willie could well afford to buy his own. Furthermore, on that level of pay, they probably felt he should be smart enough to know that you have to wrap up warm before going out into the cold.
The early start to Thursday's meeting between HSE boss Prof Brendan Drumm and members of the Oireachtas caught deputies and Senators on the hop.
When proceedings began at 8.30am in the Members' Dining Room, not many politicians were present. But Labour's early bird TD, Michael D Higgins, bagged a good seat and an excellent view of proceedings. "We were in danger at one stage, as the first scone was being served, of being outnumbered by Prof Drumm's entourage," he recalls. "I would say there were between 15 and 20 officials with him. "We were not at the races in terms of sartorial comparisons," adds Michael D, with his poet's eye. "Unlike our attire, their clobber was not off the shelf."
One wonders if the tea and scones on offer came up to the expectations of the officials from the HSE. "The food was modest and frugal, in sympathy with our health service," notes Deputy Higgins.
The meeting was strictly
private. However, Michael D says
he felt under no obligation to maintain confidences, because spin doctors for the Taoiseach and the Minister for Health were at the back of the room.
"As they were busy disseminating the view 'from official sources' about what happened, I felt entirely free to brief afterwards in both Irish and English."
The happy pills are going down a treat in the North. While we must still endure photographs of Ian Paisley's tonsils in our newspapers, these days, he's in open-mouthed paroxysms of laughter instead of mid-harangue.
Take last Tuesday night, when Dana launched her biography at a big bash in Stormont.
Dignatories on the platform included First Minister Paisley and former taoiseach Albert Reynolds. The master of ceremonies called for Deputy First Minister, Martin McGuinness, to join the others on stage.
"Ho-ho, make way for the real boss!" chortled Albert loudly to Big Ian, as Sinn Féin's Chief Negotiator emerged from the crowd. And the two of them fell around the place.
Afterwards, Dr Paisley met some Drogheda United FC supporters, who told him they live near the Battle of the Boyne site.
Whereupon the former leader grabbed one end of their team scarf and happily posed for photographs.
Stormont was full of visitors this week. In fact, Stormont is always full of visitors and is now one of the top tourist attractions in Northern Ireland.
On Monday, there was an intriguing entry on the visitors' notice board, under the name of SDLP deputy leader, Alasdair McDonnell: "Fianna Fáil, private tour, 11am." The Soldiers of Destiny have been eyeing up some fresh Northern territory recently, and many of them feel the SDLP is ripe for a takeover.
Were they already staking out the joint? Alasdair's visitors were members of the newly-formed Ogra Fianna Fáil cumann in Queens University, Belfast. The William Brennan cumann was set up less than a month ago, and already boasts a very healthy membership. The students also met Fianna Fáil Minister Dermot Ahern on Monday, who travelled up to address the new recruits.
In pastures Green, apparently they weren't too happy when blindsided with the news that Minister for Finance Cowen had inserted a clause in unrelated legislation to enable former Minister Michael Woods to claw back a substantial sum in pension money he had failed to claim in time.
"They rolled over us. We just didn't see it coming," said one Green politician, after the dust settled.
They had better get used to it - just lie back and think of the environment, chaps.
At the invitation of the Ceann Comhairle, the European Youth Parliament will notch up a historic first by meeting in the Dáil chamber next weekend. 225 young people from 29 countries are to be given unprecedented access to the Leinster House chamber on Friday and Saturday to debate a range of global issues.
Organiser Andrew Byrne is very excited at the prospect. "The chamber will be rocked by passionate debate and discussion - it will be Leinster House like you've never seen it before!" What - no scripts and a full house?
Poor Bertie is in the worst of form these days. If they were casting for a Dáil production of The Wind in the Willows, the Bert would walk away with the role of Ratty.
He is also feeling sorry for himself. On Monday in Dublin, reporters waiting outside a function to talk to him thought there might be a thaw in his current mood when he ambled over and asked to say something "without the microphones".
The Taoiseach proceeded to complain that reporters never give any publicity to the events he is attending when they "doorstep" him for quotes.
"I really don't think you're being fair to the organisations. You used to give a few lines on the event. And I have to take the knock every time I give a doorstop and you just ignore them." Suitably chastened, one reporter mumbled apolitically about giving them a mention in future. But Bertie was not a happy bunny, and still quite agitated.
"No, what I'm saying is that you just cut them out. You used to include them. I do the doorsteps but you just cut them out and then I take the grief. Now it's not fair, and if I don't do the doorsteps . . . and I just think it's not fair".
The reporter mumbled again about mentioning the occasion. "Ah yeah but I mean, but acknowledge the groups, otherwise . . . " shrugged Bertie, leaving the sentence hanging.
Otherwise, what?