The "Visible and Invisible St Patrick's Day Parade" planned for Kesh carrigan, Co Leitrim, on Wednesday, will feature Pamela Anderson, the Kiltubrid Pipe Band, Boris Yeltsin, the O'Neill School of Dancing, Novelty Floats, broadcaster Gay Byrne's daughter and a large herd of Korean elephants, said the Leitrim Observer. You guess which ones will be visible.
Will naked bosoms really be visible in Shrule? That was the question asked by the Connacht Tribune, speculating on whether an exotic dance troupe from Essex, "The Page 3 Stunnas", would be allowed to dance topless in Mayo. Local promoter Paddy Rock did not deny or confirm whether the girls would be "baring their busts", but he did guarantee "enough to get the hairs standing on the backs of country men's necks". And that's not all. "Priests rip over Shrule strip", stated the Connaught Telegraph, above its report that local curate Father John Creaven does not see the Stunnas as harmless entertainment. "This type of show is not appropriate for any time of the year, particularly Lent," he commented.
"Meanwhile," added the Tele- graph, "Shrule PP Fr Michael Crosby said he would have to verify reports of a strip-type show before commenting." And who could blame him?
Kerry's Eye had a cautionary tale for the criminal trade: never let them catch you napping. A Dublin man was found asleep by gardai in a car in Killarney with almost £1,000 worth of stolen jewellery. They arrested him and charged him with a 5 a.m. raid on a jewellery shop in Killarney.
At Mallow District Court, a 30-year-old farmer was charged with leaving six unburied cattle carcasses to rot on his farm after they died of starvation. Describing the details of the case as "shocking", Judge Michael Patwell said: "I can tell you, I believe that people who are capable of being cruel to animals are capable of being cruel to humans if they got away with it."
The defendant's solicitor said the defendant's neighbours had expressed concern to him about the defendant's welfare, and suggested that mention had been made of the family GP.
But Judge Patwell said: "He will have to go further than his GP. What will a family GP give him, a lash of Prozac? He is living in a hovel, it sounds like a Dickensian hovel."
The judge told the defendant he was "too young to go down the slippery slope" and, remanding him on his own bail of £250, asked him to volunteer for psychological assessment.
"Gardai prevent bloodbath" said the Munster Express, reporting that "a planned vicious confrontation between Waterford rival traveller factions was averted at the weekend by the intervention of gardai who seized an arsenal of potentially lethal weapons." The front pages of both the Express and the Water- ford News & Star showed the dozen or so weapons which gardai found under a mattress in the back of a van, after acting on - the Express said - a "tip-off".
"Female relations watched through the windows of caravans as events unfolded at the normally quiet halting site," said the Waterford News & Star. When gardai arrived, they found 30 males, most wearing leather jackets, gathered at the site in anticipation of the arrival of the opposing family. Another anonymous tip-off prevented "more serious" injury when a street riot - described as "horrific" by the Fingal Independent - broke out in Ashbourne early in the morning. Two youths were stabbed and three more received head and leg injuries. Gardai had to call in reinforcements to break up the riot, about which they had their own ideas, a spokesman said.
"Just what's going on at the Arts Council? asked the Andersonstown News. The council has removed Irish dancing from the list of "traditional arts" eligible for grant-aid - and if Irish dancing isn't a traditional art, then what is, asked the newspaper. The council has also axed "the highly successful and innovative" Draiocht children's festival and cut the funding of a pioneering Irish-language drama group, Aisling Ghear. As for the Irish dancing, "an investigation by this newspaper has revealed that the decision was more than just straightforwardly wrong-headed, but was actually taken on the basis of incorrect information," said the News. "As long as such patently unjust and inexplicable anomalies continue to arise and as long as some have to battle harder than is fair for what is theirs by right, then, inevitably, questions will continue to be asked," it commented.