THAT'S MEN:People can be affected in different ways, writes PADRAIG O'MORAIN
A MAN I WORKED with in London used to complain during our lunch breaks about a brother who lived with him and his mother. The brother had been out working and contributing to the household income until one evening he witnessed a serious car crash. He did not know any of the people involved in the crash which, although serious, was not fatal.
Since then he had stopped working and left home only with reluctance. This meant that my colleague was now the only income earner in the household. He resented this and regarded his brother’s behaviour with suspicion.
“I reckon he’s swinging the lead, Paddy,” he said, drawing on a cigarette, “you know?”
Maybe he was and maybe he wasn’t. We live in a traumatic environment. You have only to glance at the newspapers to appreciate the level of psychological trauma in our world. Crashes, assaults and burglaries can take a terrible toll, even when no serious physical injuries occur.
I am thinking especially of psychological trauma. I have known men and women who have taken the most extraordinary battering in life, hit by deaths, job losses and serious illness, and who came through their experiences as strong, resilient human beings.
And I have known those whose psychological strength crumbled because some unexpected event smashed through their defences. That, I think, is what happened to my colleague’s brother.
Emotionally, a traumatic incident is not just one in which you are injured. It can be enough that you think your life or the life of someone else is under immediate threat for an event to be traumatic.
But the effect varies from one person to another. Witnessing a car crash or a violent crime can be traumatic for some but not for others. And a threat to life is not necessary: having the house burgled could be very annoying for one person but could be traumatic for another.
Because we are a traumatised species (just think of the scale and horror of war) many of us have developed a resilience so that the traumatisation usually fades over time – but not always and not for everyone.
Here are some of the effects which can flow from being involved in, or witnessing, a traumatic incident:
Intrusive memories
Memories of the incident may flood the mind often. This is especially so when something happens to trigger the memory: a sound, a news report, a smell. The incident may also feature in nightmares. As a result, the traumatised person may avoid anything that reawakens those frightening memories.
Irritability and anger
People who are traumatised can be more irritable in the months following the incident. Their anger may also be more intense than usual.
Disconnection
Traumatised people often do not want to talk to others about the incident. They may feel disconnected, almost as though a pane of glass stands between them and everyone else. They may be tempted to cut themselves off from other people because others do not understand what they have been through.
Sleeplessness
It is all too easy to spend the whole night thinking about the incident and perhaps fantasising that it may happen again.
Eaxaggerated alertness and anxiety
A person who is traumatised can be alert to the point of being jumpy. A general sense of anxiety or a sudden rush of anxiety can also be a problem.
It is normal for these symptoms to remain for a few months and then gradually fade away. If they do not, then it is time to seek help. When I worked in that job in London, the concept of counselling did not exist, and I often wonder what eventually happened to that unfortunate, traumatised man, trapped in his mother’s home.
Padraig O'Morain (pomorain@ireland.com) is accredited as a counsellor by the Irish Association for Counselling and Psychotherapy. His book , Light Mind, Mindfulness for Daily Living, is published by Veritas. His mindfulness newsletter is free by e-mail