The next crisis on the menu

HEART BEAT Maurice Neligan In this mountain shall the Lord of Hosts, make unto all the people a feast of fat things, a feast…

HEART BEAT Maurice NeliganIn this mountain shall the Lord of Hosts, make unto all the people a feast of fat things, a feast of wine on the lees, of fat things full of marrow. (Isaiah 25, v. 6)

Pretty irresponsible of God I would have thought, he must have known that an epidemic of obesity was coming down the line. Perhaps he forgot or had things of more importance on his mind. He obviously hadn't read the report of the taskforce on obesity, because they clearly outline the crisis ahead. More publicity, more spin, dire predictions of Biblical intensity about the ultimate fate of the populace, I wonder that we survive at all.

At the risk of being a bore might I point out that we have survived the millennium bug, and thus far nuclear immolation, and even passive smoking. We have endured many other crises, some real, most imaginary, and we are still here, with increasing prosperity and, dare I say it, increased longevity.

However, we must have a fear from which Big Brother (the nanny state) can protect us. Does it occur to these people that given our education we ought to be able to protect ourselves and our children? We are told that obesity costs us €500 million per year. How on earth would anybody know that? Think of a figure, double it, and then run with it to fan the flames of the latest official fear. We are thankfully in a time of prosperity and suffering from some of the diseases of affluence rather than poverty. Whether we are getting a little fatter would seem to be of little import in the general scheme of things.

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Education and common sense tell us that we should eat moderately and take exercise. We know these simple precepts but sadly many do not adhere to them. Ironically those who do seem in the long run to do little better than their less meticulous brethren. I would contend that other than through education, the State should have little part to play in the lifestyle choices of the individual, provided such are not anti-social and injurious to the common good.

I fear another quango to dictate our food choices. More public servants pushing paper at each other and saying what the Minister wants, while the working producing citizens see their rights eroded a little further. We have the pompously named Office of Tobacco Control. What would we name this one? The Office for Vegetable Promotion? No, that sounds too much like the Department Of Health itself. We need a new and striking name that will rivet attention and point out that we are digging our graves with our teeth. I invite suggestions as to an appropriate name.

God be with the time when we were told that "an apple a day keeps the doctor away". Now we are enjoined to have at least five fruit or vegetable servings a day to ward off illness and to vaguely hint at immortality. Perhaps the populace should be issued with a clove of garlic and a pointed stake to ward off vampires, medical or otherwise. Let us not forget the iodine tablets. The report, I am led to believe, recommends a sort of Chrystalnacht on the vending machines in primary schools. Apparently there are hardly any. So much for the research!

Jack and Jill

Went up the hill

To fetch a pail of water

Jack fell down

And broke his crown

And Jill came tumbling after.

There is another side to this equation. It is freely acknowledged by all that we are not getting enough exercise. The Taoiseach says he is shocked to hear of the insurance problems encountered by schools. What planet does he live on? Certainly not this one, but I guess we knew that already. In the modern era Jack wouldn't have gone near the hill as his mother would probably have driven. If he had walked, why did he fall? Was there a pothole and if on a farm, was the farmer insured? If within the school grounds, was he properly supervised? Was he forbidden to run? Was post-traumatic stress counselling available for Jill? We know our rights now.

Can Government do something useful about the culture of litigation for compensation within this State? Schools, playgrounds and sports facilities (where they exist) are paralysed by increasing insurance costs, partly reflecting spiralling claims. School trips, field trips, adventure holidays and activities organised by voluntary groups are disappearing under threat of litigation on various fronts. This culture, preventing or curtailing normal exercise patterns, is a far greater threat to the wellbeing of our children than a few bars of chocolate or bags of crisps.

If it makes you feel better, get rid of the vending machines in these schools. While you are at it, you might as well fix the heating and mend the holes in the roof. Adequate hygienic toilets could be provided and the rats could be chased away. You could provide proper playgrounds and sports facilities in general. Above all, you could tackle the creeping strangulation of opportunistic litigation.

Up Jack got

And home did trot

As fast as he could caper

To old Dame Dob

Who patched his nob

With vinegar and brown paper.

Even at that tender age he knew enough to stay away from the local A&E department.

Dr Maurice Neligan is a cardiac surgeon