Mindful steps for seasonal survival

CHRISTMAS IS a stressful time. There is often sadness, grief and loneliness behind the Christmas cheer. Families are thrown together more intensely at Christmas.

Late nights, rich food, extra alcohol, traffic and crowds, shopping and finances, cooking and cleaning, and the tasks of Christmas day, all make Christmas a protracted emotional time at home.

So here are the top 20 psychology tips for surviving Christmas.

1.Recognise stress and take regular short “mindful” breaks every day. Sit, relax your body and concentrate on breathing in and out until you have unwound.

2.Write a list of everything you have to do each day over Christmas. This avoids the stress of remembering and the problems of forgetting.

3.Keep things simple. Don’t try to make everything perfect. Enjoy everything and everyone around will benefit by your ease.

4.Have realistic expectations – people don’t change into perfection at Christmas.

5.Make gifts small, inexpensive, functional and thoughtful – in these tough times the gift of thoughtfulness is the most valuable gift.

6.Don’t do all the work and then resent it. Ask for help by giving clear requests on specific tasks. Everyone will feel part of the celebrations if they are part of the preparations.

7.Choose comfortable, easily washed clothes for young children so that nobody has the stress of keeping them clean.

8.Have a good breakfast on Christmas morning (porridge with cream is great) to avoid the crankiness of waiting for Christmas dinner.

Fresh fruit snacks or drinks for children can help over-excitement. A pot of soup and lots of brown bread for those who can’t wait also keeps stress away.

9.If noise drives you crazy then don’t give children toys that make noise.

10.Don’t have the TV on all day as background noise is stressful. Choose specific programmes, films and DVDs to watch instead.

11.Give adolescents space to go to their rooms and do their own thing – enforced family gaiety stresses them.

12.Exercise is a great antidote to excessive food, alcohol, emotion and fatigue.

13.Avoid cabin fever and emotional claustrophobia by getting outdoors for good brisk walks.

14.Cultivate tolerance. Try humour instead of irritation at the foibles of family members.

15.Avoid conflict. Wait at least half an hour before you respond to anything annoying that has been said to you!

16.Don’t be afraid to grieve if you have suffered bereavement during the year. Drinking a toast of remembrance to absent family and friends is therapeutic.

17.Don’t do tugs of love with children. If you are divorced, then do what is easiest for your children. Remember, Christmas is for children. They get very stressed by parental or family feuds.

18.Tell people how great they are and how much you love them. Christmas is a time to do this and we never know if we will have the chance again.

19.Don’t feel guilty about the past – what is done is done. Look ahead not back this Christmas.

20. Savour this time out. Let it be whatever is right for you and yours and I wish you a Happy Christmas.

Marie Murray is a clinical psychologist and author. Her most recent book,

When Times are Tough

, provides a guide to dealing with stressful times