ASK THE EXPERT: At around two years of age, children's imaginations can start to work overtime
I HAVE a 27-month-old boy who is generally a very happy and well-rounded boy. However, in the past couple of weeks he is afraid to go into his room at night because there is a wolf in the room!
This fear started just before his second birthday when he started to notice the shadows on the wall at night. Unfortunately we were reading Little Red Riding Hoodand The Three Little Pigsaround the same time. But in recent weeks it has escalated into a big problem for him as he is terrified at bedtime.
He is a very talkative child but he closes up when you ask him about it, all he says is "wolf". I have tried several ideas to help him feel more at ease and safe in the room:
I reassure him that there is no wolf going to come into our house because it's made from bricks and he won't get in.
He has three teddies in the cot that will protect him; if the wolf tried to come in they would show their sharp teeth and frighten him away.
Daddy gave him a nightlight that "he used to have" when he was a boy and afraid of the dark and no wolf can come near it.
We spend some time playing in the room together during the day.
But when it comes to bed time he makes up excuses to delay it as long as possible, eg he has to go to the toilet, he wants a drink, etc. When we get up to the room he hesitates at the threshold and his face is filled with a genuine horror as he looks around the room for the wolf.
He now sleeps with the full light on and we have to sit with him until he falls asleep. I know this is probably a phase and that his imagination is probably just developing, but his fear is really worrying me.
I want to help him and don't know what other approaches to take. I am very upset that I am so helpless in this situation. Any tips at all would be appreciated.
IT ALWAYS seems so unjust when a genuine attempt at doing something wholesome, like reading a story to our children, backfires.
The anxieties that your son is displaying are very common, particularly at his age, and I would imagine that many parents have had to overcome similar situations.
At around two years of age, children's imaginations begin working overtime, and they can suddenly seem more dependent or clingy, or be beset by nightmares. This happens because toddlers can't always work out which of their ideas are real and which ones are make-believe.
Crucially, the anxiety they feel in response to some of those ideas is real and I would suggest that your first step should be to empathise strongly with your son about how frightening real wolves can be.
Talk a lot about how scary their teeth are, how fast they can run, how dangerous a real wolf would be. Let him know you understand that he is very scared of wolves. Then you can turn your attention to differentiating between real and make-believe wolves.
The fact that storybook animals can talk is a good way to highlight that they are just make-believe. Similarly, the illustrations of animals walking on hind legs, like humans, also serve to create a sense of unreality that you can use to help him understand that the stories do not depict real events.
The other approaches that you have taken are all potentially very helpful. For some children, they may have done the trick to help him feel that his bedroom is a safer place.
For your son, however, they may further his belief that he is potentially at risk from wolves attacking him (and in need of defence by sharp-toothed teddies!). Also, even if he feeds into the make-believe protection of teddies and wolf-proof nightlights, he remains dependent on these outside forces for safety. I would guess that if your son has a feeling that he can protect himself then it may help to reduce his anxiety more swiftly and more effectively.
One way to do this is to make up and tell him stories of boys who successfully vanquished wolves by their own power or cunning. Alternatively, some ideas from Lauren Child's book Beware of the Storybook Wolvesmight be really helpful.
Indeed the ridiculous diminution of the wolves' power in this book might also be appreciated by your son who could use similar fantastic powers to defeat his own imagined wolves.
However you approach it, the passage of time, allied with your offers of security for him, will eventually allow him a greater sense that real wolves can't get at him and bedtimes will hopefully revert to their old pattern.
• David Coleman is a clinical psychologist, author of the bookParenting is Child's Play and broadcaster with RTÉ television
• Readers' queries are welcome and will be answered through the column, but David regrets he cannot enter into individual correspondence. Questions should be e-mailed to healthsupplement @irish-times.ie