General de Gaulle would have known what to do. He would not have resisted the pleas of a tiny French-speaking island thousands of kilometres away. "Vive les Comores libres!" the grand old man might have declared, roiling the waters of the Indian Ocean just as he stirred up Quebec 30 years ago this summer.
Back then, la francophonie mattered. But the current French Prime Minister, Mr Lionel Jospin, has not even appointed a secretary of state for francophonie, much less a minister, since he formed his government in June. Just as Britain has pulled out of Hong Kong, France too is trying to shed its colonial heritage, withdrawing from the Central African Republic and cutting back troop strengths in Africa.
Then the Comoran island of Anjouan, population 250,000, turned history on its head, declaring independence from the Federal Islamic Republic of the Comoros on August 3rd and begging to return to the embrace of France. The neighbouring island of Moheli joined in two days later, hoisting more tricolours and portraits of President Chirac.
This is the first time a former possession has asked to be re-colonised; Mr Chirac and Mr Jospin met the requests with embarrassed silence. The Foreign Ministry on the Quai d'Orsay tried to discourage the move, announcing that Paris "respects the territorial integrity of the Federal Islamic Republic of the Comoros".
The Quai was quick to see an ulterior motive behind the sudden displays of affection of Anjouan and Moheli: in a word, greed. In 1976, after 60 years of French colonisation, one of the four Comoros islands, Mayotte, chose to remain French when the others opted for independence. In Mayotte - visible from the mountaintops of Anjouan - citizens enjoy free education, medical care, French social security and a guaranteed minimum income.
The free Comorans have not fared well. The islands endured 17 coups in 22 years. From 1978 until 1989, the French mercenary, Mr Bob Denard, ruled them under the pseudonym of Mustapha Madhjou. Two of the Comoros' four presidents have been assassinated. And the prices of vanilla, cloves and ylang-ylang - used for making perfume, the islands' main export - have collapsed in the past decade.
President Mohamed Taki Abdoulkarim, installed by French military intervention in 1995 and elected the following year, has been a disappointment. Foreign aid has not left his own island of Grande-Comore. Mr Taki's subjects call him "pilot" because he spends so much time travelling abroad. He recently refurbished his presidential villa, although civil servants' salaries are 10 months overdue.
The residents of Anjouan asked France to mediate between them and Mr Taki, but Paris declined. When Mr Taki sent an emissary by helicopter on Thursday, the crowd in Anjouan "arrested" him as soon as he touched ground. Needless to say, the Quai d'Orsay expressed "delight" when the Organisation of African Unity appointed a special envoy to deal with the Comoros problem.