Where is thy sting?

From several days of drinking and keening to a lorry load of sandwiches and tea back at the house, death has always had a prominent position in the fabric of Irish society. And children were directly involved - playing by the coffin in the living room or bringing offerings up at the Mass, watching and learning about bereavement and the expression of grief. But the rich funerary tradition is waning; as a more clinical approach takes over, that opportunity for children is passing.

Learning about death in school is an option that is now quite common in the US. Margerita McGovern, a tutor with the Irish Hospice Foundation, is completing an MA thesis, on "death education" and the attitudes of Irish primary-school teachers and parents. "The primary objective of death education, as it is called in the States, is to raise awareness of the issues surrounding loss and attachment," she says. "This sort of programme encourages children to see loss, and death, as normal phenomena in life; it gives them the language to express their feelings and coping skills." Developing skills is also an issue for teachers. Through her work with the hospice foundation, McGovern has found that teachers are increasingly dealing with experiences of loss among their pupils. "Children don't leave their feelings behind at the school gate," she says. "They come to school feeling sad about the death of a pet, bewildered and confused over the death of a relative, suffering the loss of all sorts of things. Many teachers have approached me concerned by what they see as their lack of knowledge regarding children's needs and how to meet them. "Typically, death-education programmes in the States provide teachers with in-service training, useful for teachers on a personal level and with their daily professional experiences."

According to McGovern, death education is not a standard, once-a-week lesson. "Opportunities to discuss the relevant issues arise through all sorts of subjects, on all sorts of days. Death education is about giving children the chance to explore these issues. "It isn't lessons on appropriate behaviour in the event of the inevitable - the focus is on personal development. Expressive media such as art are used to explore loss in a way which is particular to each child."

Death-education programmes also look at how children of different ages understand, and are affected by, death. Adolescence is a particularly complex period. Barbara Monroe, director of social work at St Christopher's Hospice, London, explains. "At this stage of their lives, young people are struggling to separate from their parents and develop their own identity by relating to their peers', she says. `But in a time of crisis such as death, they need support and their peers may simply lack the experience to help them. "This is where adults have to work out a fine balance, offering opportunities to discuss concerns the adolescent may fear others will see as childish, while not being too pushy or interfering in any way. Death education is useful at this age because young people not only learn coping skills, they also learn how to support others dealing with loss." Monroe sometimes runs death-education workshops at schools in Britain. "We look at loss in a wide context," she says, "and we have found that young people feel belittled by adults when they express feelings of loss regarding their own lives, particularly if it is the loss of a boyfriend or girlfriend. "Those experiences can be really powerful, and how they are handled can dictate how a person will cope with loss later in life, especially death. A death-education programme, run in conjunction with parents, would give parents deeper insight into their children and how to be supportive."

Involving parents in any death-education programme is considered essential. "Family patterns, the role of the community, the role of the school - these are all in flux, and impacting on the lives of children in changing ways," McGovern says. "The trend is towards parents sharing their unique insight with teachers, with the best interest of the child in mind. "Death education is intended as a supportive measure for parents. It gives them the opportunity to explore issues surrounding loss in their own lives as well as finding ways of talking to their children. A school which promotes awareness of issues surrounding loss and grief supports parents who have suffered a loss, especially at a time when they are finding it hard to reach out to their children, who may be suffering too."

Michelle Whelan has a 12-yearold son who goes to a multi-denominational school. "Death is part of the flow of life and life experience, so it comes up on different levels at school all the time," she says. "Some parents may feel uncomfortable talking about it, and if the school doesn't address it either, some children will be losing out. "We have a core curriculum developed by the parents at our school which evolves around self-knowledge - and I think this is the ideal context in which to discuss death and loss. "With a sensitive subject like this you need co-operation between parents and teachers, and rather than feeling undermined, I think we would all learn a lot from each other."

Barbara Monroe is giving a talk in UCD's science block (theatre A) this Thursday at 8 p.m. on "Death, Loss and the Adolescent".