Parents' Diary

`Congrats, I hope its a girl," I said to my pregnant cousin.

"I don't mind at all what I have," she replied, smiling radiantly.

Ah, but you will, you will, I thought to myself.

I have three children - two boys and a girl - and I sincerely wish I could have another go at rearing them. I would do everything I did in reverse. I find I have become a female chauvinist - simply because boys always behave badly? My theory now (i.e. after 20 years of parenthood) is that boys need far more discipline, structure and authority in their lives than do girls. And as a parent of the 1970s I have failed my boys by not walloping them, by encouraging them to discovery things for themselves and allowing them to question authority. I really wish I had have sent them to the Brothers. Yes, despite all the flak they have recently received, I think the discipline and authority they wielded served boys well. From day one, my daughter seemed to have an internal resource that made her self-motivating and self-disciplining. My sons have always had to have the obvious spelt out to them. "No, you cannot lie on the couch and watch television for the entire summer. You must get a job," I said last year to a genuinely bewildered 18year-old. The 14-year-old girl had organised herself with a baby-sitting job.

It goes back as far as toddler days. From the age of three, my daughter and her girl counterparts could play together without my intervention. If there was a mishap and tears ensued, the little girls could sort it out themselves.

But with the boys there was always aggression and near-anarchy if I didn't intervene. In those days I called it spirit and steered them into sport. They came home with black eyes, broken limbs and torn ligaments. The girl came home with trophies.

And then the teenage years. Oh God, I shudder just thinking about them. I spent much time wondering why they acted so destructively, disrespectfully and irresponsibly. And why, despite being rated as highly intelligent, did they not make use of their full potential. I now know why. It was not for any specific reason, as I thought in those days, but simply because I was a liberal parent. I should have belted them and structured their lives.

So as my cousin continues to enjoy her pregnancy, I will take it on myself to pray that she has a girl.