Bill is planning to go to the Cheltenham Festival. He just loves racing and he is adept at getting the staff involved during the great racing festivals. But he has never been to the greatest racing festival of all.
The gods are conspiring against him this year. The mocks will end on the last Friday in February. The mid-term coincided with Valentine's weekend. The school calendar decrees that the Monday and the Tuesday of St Patrick's week are free. So Bill has only to worry about getting off for just three days.
Should he go sick? Bill's GP has a thing about teachers and the soft life they have and is not given to handing out certs anyway. Should he brazen it out and tell the Boss that he is getting a free trip to Cheltenham?
The `free' part is true - he is going as a betting companion to Father Joe who is an inveterate supporter of fur coats for bookies' wives. As the days roll by Bill is becoming more a candidate for a cardiac unit than a box at Cheltenham.
He is a great lover of animals. He tells the story, apocryphal I fear, of when his dog, the love of his life, died. Unable to face the inevitable he called the vet, a betting bosom pal of his.
"Sorry Bill, but the dog is dead," pronounced his compassionate buddy. "To be absolutely certain, bring in the cat." The cat was duly brought in and sniffed his way around the dog. Then he exited the house without a purr. "That's it," said the vet, "the dog is dead."
"How much do I owe you?" inquired a distraught Bill. "£120," replied the vet. "How could that be?" exclaimed Bill. "Well, my callout fee is £20 and there is £100 for the catscan." Groans fill the staffroom when this tale is repeated.
At a time in the staffroom when the talk is all about posts of responsibility, and how many students have enrolled for next year's first year, Bill is a tonic. He organises the weekly Lotto, and there are always anxious faces on Thursday and Monday mornings if Bill is absent - did we win and has he absconded?
But, as Cheltenham draws nearer, those who value the craic Bill brings to the staffroom will sidle up to him with a comforting "Book the tickets, Bill - we'll fill in for you."
Just give us a good tip before you go!
