VALUE FOR MONEY

This week, Value for Moneycompares five varities of christmas crackers

Dunnes Stores,

€20 for six, €3.33 each

Highs:When we saw that these were adult crackers, we were slightly concerned about what toys would come tumbling out. It turns out that they are unsuitable for under-14s (which makes them a bit pointless, we think). The crackers are substantial-looking and come in three different colours, which will certainly look pretty on the tree. Things you can expect to find inside are a stop watch, ear rings, photo frames and all sorts of other shiny-looking but ultimately useless tat. The gold hats are pretty sturdy and a long way from the tissue paper hats of our youth.

Lows:The glittery crackers looked fetching until we picked one up and watched as the glitter went everywhere - be very careful when pulling them over your Christmas dinner or a white tablecloth.

Sample joke:How did the dinosaurs know we were coming? Because they brontosawus.

Verdict:All that glitters is not good

Star rating: ***

Brown Thomas,

€40 for six, €6.66 each

Highs:These don't look as gaudily impressive as some of the cheaper options. Perhaps BT is going for a classier feel, even though most people would say that class has no place in a Christmas cracker. The white ones are embossed with velvety snow flakes and it almost seemed like a shame to pull them, but pull them we did. We were delighted with our key-ring torch. It was instantly attached to our bunch of keys, where it has been ever since without being used once.

Lows:The hat was terrible - really flimsy and cheap-looking. Mind you, it's not like we're planning to keep it till next Christmas. Priced at €6.66 each, these are crackers of the beast, by any reckoning. We appreciate that they are handmade but for this price we'd really want the ribbons to be hand-tied by elves.

Sample joke:What's the most popular gardening magazine? Weeder's Digest.

Verdict:Oh, dear

Star rating: **

Aldi Luxury Crackers,

€14.99 for six, €2.50 each

Highs:These are great crackers and great value for money. They are made with sturdy cardboard and have little bows and fancy plastic leaves attached, which could double up as Christmas tree decorations. The gifts are decidedly upmarket. We got a pair of chrome cufflinks in a velvet (well, velvety plastic) bag which might well have a life after Christmas (or they might join the cufflinks we got last year, unused at the bottom of a drawer). We also liked the potted history of the cracker on the back of the box.

Lows:The jokes (or at least the ones that we read) were terrible, even by Christmas crackers' woeful standards. We didn't think our head was particularly big until we tried the Aldi hats, which are very solid but a little on the snug side.

Sample joke:What did the cow say to her friend? Moo-ve over.

V erdict:Impossible to beat

Star rating: *****

Times Past Victorian Christmas Crackers, €15 for six, €.2.50 each

Highs:The gifts are fairly standard and include a little screw driver set, miniature playing cards (what are we supposed to do with them, we don't have miniature fingers?) and a chrome yo-yo that was entertaining for about 15 seconds. We liked the piece of historical trivia included in each cracker and the suggestion for a charade was a nice idea too - although how we were expected to mime Yentl we'll never know. (We're only joking - it was A Midsummer Night's Dream.)

Lows:The Victorian images of Santa Claus hugging a doll-faced girl are a little weird and not as festive as the manufacturers may have hoped. The hat was on the massive side and while that helped to reassure us that we didn't have a fat head, as the Aldi hat had suggested, it kept fallingover our eyes.

Sample joke:What are brown and sneak around the kitchen at Christmas? Mince Spies.

Verdict:Great value

Star rating: ****

Marks Spencer Crackers,

€23 for six, €3.83 each

Highs:These large and grown-up-looking crackers are flecked with tasteful glitter which shimmers nicely, making them a pleasing option for your tree. They make a loud bang when pulled and the jokes seemed to be funnier - although that might have something to do with the fact that they were the last crackers we reviewed so our spirit might have been broken by then.

Lows:Credit card calculators ceased to be of any use to anyone after the mobile phone came along so we were mildly disappointed when one came spilling out of this cracker. We pulled a second one and got a collapsable shoe horn which was a bendy as a spoon in Uri Geller's hands. As with the Dunnes crackers, these are adults-only - although both stores do sell child-friendly options for a lower price.

Sample joke:Why can only tiny fairies sit under toadstools? Because there isn't mushroom.

Verdict:A bit dear

Star rating: ***