The face of a youngish-looking man with long hair and blue eyes, his hand carefully placed against his left cheek to give the impression of thoughtfulness, looks down from a series of posters on Moscow's busy inner ring road. Beside this image the word "President" is written in large letters, perhaps indicating that the man has already been elected.
Mr Umar Dzhabrailov (42), the candidate in question, does in fact consider himself to be elected or, to be more precise, a member of the "elect". A Chechen by nationality, Mr Dzhabrailov has, he says, been told by God to save Russia. He has also, for the past four years, cbeen under investigation for the murder of Paul Tatum, an American businessman gunned down outside a Metro station.
Mr Tatum had the remarkable notion that just because he had put up 40 per cent of the money for the plush Radisson Slavyans kaya Hotel, he therefore owned 40 per cent of the action. Things don't work that way in Russia, and after Tatum kept insisting on his share, his life came to an abrupt end.
Mr Dzhabrailov denies involvement in the murder and as part of his campaign he intends to rid Russia of organised crime. Even with the support of God, Mr Dzhabrailov's chances of being elected are practically nil. Others are in the same boat.
In Nikolai Gogol's Dead Souls, the landlord, Sobakevich, explained to the main character, Chichikov: "Everybody is a crook in our town. There is only one honest person here, the Procurator, and he is a swine; may God forgive me." There is a distinct parallel in today's Russia. Mr Yuri Skuratov, the suspended procurator general, claims he is the only honest person in the presidential race. Those associated with former President Boris Yeltsin say that he's a swine.
Mr Skuratov investigated allegations of corruption in the Kremlin. Mr Boris Yeltsin tried to have him dismissed but the upper house of parliament refused to ratify Mr Yeltsin's decision. Suddenly Mr Skuratov became a TV star. He, or a man with a striking resemblance to him, appeared on state-controlled television apparently cavorting in bed with two young prostitutes.
In his manifesto Mr Skuratov claims he will, if elected, eliminate corruption in high places. There is a certain degree of proportionality here as the chances of Mr Skuratov being elected are the same as the chances of eliminating corruption - in other words, nil.
Mr Vladimir Zhirinovsky will not be elected either, but he will do better than Mr Dzhabrailov and Mr Skuratov combined. A well-publicised saga saw him being barred from the race and then reinstated. This kept him in the public eye and will gain him more votes, thus drawing support from the Communist candidate, Mr Gennady Zyuganov, and helping acting President Vladimir Putin.
Mr Zhirinovsky, alias Vlad the Mad, has added an interesting twist to his campaign. As well as the usual policies of wiping Chechnya off the face of the earth, annexing the former colonies of Finland and Alaska and extending Russia's dominion to the Indian Ocean, Mr Zhirinovsky has promised that if elected he will stay elected. There will be no more silly voting, and Mr Vladimir Volfovich Zhirinovsky will be president for life.
Other candidates who have no chance include the movie director, Mr Stanislav Govorukhin, whose only strong publicity in the campaign came when he fell and broke two ribs; Mr Alexei Pod beryozkin, whose name is associated with one of Russia's favourite mushrooms; Mr Aman Tuleyev, the communist governor of Kemerovo in Siberia; Mr Yevgeny Savostyonov, a former Kremlin official; Ms Ella Pamfilova, who carries the twin handicap of being a democrat and a woman; and Mr Konstantin Titov, who wants Russia to join NATO.
The real contest will be between Mr Putin and Mr Zyuganov, with Mr Grigory Yavlinsky, while a no-hoper, providing a dash of liberal politics to the campaign.
Seamus Martin can be contacted at: seamus.martin@russia.com