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CIAN NIHILL'ssideways look at Election 2011

Results of Dún Laoghaire  think tank point to Green glory

THE GREEN Party candidate in Dún Laoghaire, Ciarán Cuffe, can stop canvassing. His seat is secure – the octopus has spoken.

Bertie the octopus – a cousin of Paul, who rose to stardom during the World Cup – yesterday asserted that the Green Party would top the polls in Dún Laoghaire. Making the decision from his tank in the shop window of 64 Wines in Dún Laoghaire, Bertie sat briefly but decidedly on the plastic rock designated for the Green Party.

Showing a commendable grasp of the PR voting system he also brushed by both the Fianna Fáil and Sinn Féin rocks (2nd and 3rd preference?) and sat directly behind the Labour rock (a clear statement for fourth preference?) However, his forecast may be dubious as Sinn Féin has no candidate in the constituency.

Quote of the day: Gerry Adams

"I made it very clear that I am not and never was a member of the IFA"

The Sinn Féin leader was in a humorous mood yesterday in Cork, joking about a previous meeting with farmers in Louth.

Two-dimensional Enda offers voters a chance to stand in leader’s shoes

ENDA KENNY the computer game is online and ready for play.

The newest development on the Fine Gael website allows the public to play as party leader Enda Kenny, busy on the campaign trail collecting votes and promoting his party’s five-point plan.

An incredibly athletic version of Enda is controlled in a simple but surprisingly entertaining 2D game. In it you defeat his political opponents such as Eamon Gilmore and Gerry Adams by throwing leaflets at them until they disappear.

The excitable cartoon Enda really gets into the competition, shouting insults at those he has passed such as “tax that” to Joan Burton and “put that in one of your reports” to Micheál Martin. The kryptonite to this computerised superman version Enda Kenny? Traffic cones for some reason.

Election online: the best bits from Youtube

An unusual election video from Ann Cronin, an Independent candidate in Clare, starring an intentionally annoying puppet.

RTÉ’s Eleventh Hour gives its version of what the conversation might be like in Brian Lenihan’s office if he leaves the Department of Finance.