MORE on what hits a newcomer about life in America before going native after eight months in Washington. Well not exactly Washington.
Driving home from downtown Washington, you pass a sign saying "Maryland State Line". It makes you feel like Bonnie and Clyde as you escape across the state line from the redneck cops back in DC.
Only they are not so redneck. Especially the traffic department. Parking offences are dealt with ruthlessly but trying to figure out if it's OK to park somewhere means trying to decipher a forest of signs about "No parking or standing" and "Emergency snow routes" except between certain hours on certain days, etc. By the time you've read all this, they are getting ready to tow you.
And they really love towing you. The Irish Times narrowly escaped recently. The car was sticking a foot or two over the invisible border with the forbidden zone and a ticket was duly issued but more ominous was the note which added: "Towing requested".
We made the getaway over the state line back to Bethesda waving derisively at the lumbering towing truck. But trouble lay ahead. The parking ticket demanding $20 got lost in the Christmas decorations.
A neighbour was consulted about what to do. He looked anxious. "You'd better find it. They're Prussians down in DC."
Well actually they're not that bad. A few phone calls sorted it out and the cheque was dispatched but maybe this is just the start of a lost parking ticket horror story.
Neighbours can be worse. A taxi driver who parked his cab outside his home had it towed away by the residents' association. The rules ban commercial vehicles in the residential "village" but his private car was also towed because the residents had noticed its expired DC number plate.
Enough of towing horror stories. Newspaper delivery is a great system. Every morning five papers wrapped in plastic against the weather lie in the driveway. They're a giveaway to the neighbours if you sleep in. So you make sure you get up early.
Everybody gets up early and you hear the cars starting up at 6 a.m. But then they go to bed early by Irish standards. At dinner parties which start at 7 p.m., guests are heading home at 10.
If you're not out for dinner at 7 p.m, the phone calls start. This is the favourite time for the telesales slaves who are chained to the telephone banks selling something, anything.
They work off lists that can be long out of date or mix up people with businesses. Like this call:
Is that Irish Times'?
Yes.
Listen Irish, I have a really good deal here for you, blah, blah, ....... What do you think Irish?
You can call me Mr Times. Anyhow I'm not interested.
Ring, ring, ring.
American life can be very regulated and this is surprising for a newcomer filled with notions of the free enterprise, get-up-and-go frontier spirit supposed to drive the American dream. If the federal government is not looking for you to pay taxes, it's the state and even the county. But, inside Montgomery county here in Maryland, there are "villages" such as Friendship Heights which consists of a few blocks of streets.
But the Friendship Heights local council has passed a law to ban smoking in these streets. It's not yet being enforced as the state has to be consulted as well but you get the idea. If you're caught having a drag on a park bench, you could be denounced to the smoke police and towed away.