Róisín Ingle on . . . saying yes to kindness

This taxi driver said something interesting to me as we were driving by the Custom House in Dublin the other day. He said “I don’t know why they have to ask me if they can get married? They shouldn’t have to ask anyone.”

It was just something he instinctively felt. I mean sure, he had a couple of gay cousins, but that wasn’t really why he felt this way, and anyway he has never really talked to them about their sexuality before.

It was just that when he listened to the debate on the radio or TV, he had a very strong feeling that it could not be right that one section of the population was excluded from having the State recognise their relationship in the same way it recognises his relationship and the relationships of his heterosexual mates. And he felt strongly that it was none of his business if LGBT people wanted to marry. And that they certainly shouldn’t need his permission.

“You know,” he said as he dropped me off, “I wasn’t going to vote because I don’t usually bother, but I will make it my business to vote in this one. It’s the right thing to do.” And I thought, what a kind, civil-minded person you are, Mr Taxi Driver.

For him it was a no-brainer. For me it is a no-brainer. For many of you reading this it is a no-brainer. And because it is a no-brainer you will go out and you will vote yes on May 22nd to make this country a better place. You will go out on that day and you will be kind.

Several politically astute people I know, people who are personally in favour of same sex marriage, tell me they are not sure the referendum will pass. Usually, I’d listen to them. Usually, I’d take them on board. Usually I’d feel “they probably know something I don’t ... there I go lacking that cutting-edge insight again” because usually, in fairness, it’s true. Usually they are aware of something I haven’t even thought of yet.

But this time? This time, unusually, I believe I am more clued in than they are. Clued in about our capacity for kindness. Clued in about our interest in fairness. Clued in about the innate goodness of Irish citizens. Clued in about our ability to perceive the truth and ignore the lies.

I listen to friends who have been handing out Yes flyers outside GAA matches down in Kilkenny or in Cork. They tell me that yes, in some cases they got a bit of hassle, but in most cases people smiled at them, supported them, told them of course they’d be voting yes, sure why wouldn’t they? This idea that “Middle Ireland” will decide the referendum, as though “Middle Ireland” were some conservative backwater that needs to be persuaded more than any other part of Ireland needs persuading, is patronising in the extreme. Most “Middle Irelanders” are kind. And on May 22nd, I believe “Middle Ireland” will be kind.

I listen to friends who have canvassed on the doors of inner city Dublin. It’s the same story there. People like having the chance to be nice to other people. To do a good deed like extending the joy of a big day out to all. On May 22nd we have a wonderful opportunity to be extremely nice to a minority in this country, a minority that over the years has not always been treated very well. I know I am going to feel happier in that polling booth voting yes, than I have in any other vote. It will be my good deed of the decade. Most Dubliners are kind. And on May 22nd I believe Dublin will be kind.

I talk to parents who know first-hand that whatever about mothers, whatever about fathers, great parenting matters. Who know that love and security matters. Widowed parents like my own yes-voting 75-year-old mother who raised eight children on her own after my father died. Single parents like yes-voting Lynn Ruane, President elect of TCD Students' Union, who has two intelligent, impressive, well adjusted daughters. The family will move into their Trinity accommodation soon and the girls, rightly proud of their diversity as a family, have made a lovely video calling for a yes vote.

Most parents are kind. And on May 22nd I believe parents will be kind.

Older people will be kind. Younger people will be kind. Christians will be kind. Non-Christians will be kind. On May 22nd, kindness will surge through the high roads and byroads of our little island, lighting up the darkest corners. I really and truly believe it’s going to turn out to be a very good day for this country. Don’t let anybody tell you differently. roisin@irishtimes.com