‘We’re looking for Fionnuala O’Carroll-Kelly. She absconded from quarantine this morning’

Ross O’Carroll-Kelly: ‘She’s been living on chicken Kievs and screw-top Sauvignon blanc!’

‘He can be alright sometimes, my old man.’

‘He can be alright sometimes, my old man.’

They’re porked the whole length of Brighton Road – we’re talking BMW X5s of every colour. You’d never know there was, like, a global pandemic on?

The old man is surprised to see me at the door – although shocked is possibly more the word?

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