Ross O’Carroll-Kelly: ‘Find another sucker – Mother’s Day or not’

Ireland are playing Scotland, but I know my old dear well enough to know when I’m being blackmailed

The old dear smiles at me – although, with the amount of work she’s had done on her face over the years, it’s more like an attack grimace. You wouldn’t know whether she was going to lick your face or sink her veneers into your jugular.

“Come in!” she goes – opening the door wider. “I was about to phone you.”

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