Product placement - matches made in TV heaven

SMALL PRINT:KENCO IS straight out of the traps to become the first company with (official) paid-for product placement on Irish television, after TV3 signed a reported six-figure deal with Kraft Foods.

So now we shall see The Morning Showand the Midday troupes drinking only Kenco-branded coffee from Kenco-branded mugs, but hopefully not saying "Kenco" every few minutes.

Coffee and early-in-the-day television programming are a pretty good product placement fit, so what other programmes will be taking TV3’s lead, and what products would best suit them? Let’s do some fantasy match-making.

Prime Time brought to you by Rescue RemedyCurrent-affairs programmes can't accept product placement, but if they did, wouldn't this be the perfect product for any flustered politicians subjected to a grilling from Miriam O'Callaghan.

The Apprentice with Shamrock Farmyard ManureQuite a lot of brands are already visible in The Apprentice, but perhaps this would be the best fit, considering that most of their ideas for challenges week in-week out are as thick as, well, you know.

OMG – Jedward's Dream Factory with thanks to Bose QuietComfort 3 Noise Cancelling HeadphonesCan't take two twins bouncing off the walls and hollering nonsensically at each other for this new RTÉ series? Bose's expensive but very necessary headphones should bring you some sort of peace.

The Sunday Game sponsored by SpecsaversAs long as the GAA opts against TV judges, we'll have to keep relying on hawk-eyed referees.

Oireachtas Report brought to you by AmbienTwo perfect late-night sleeping tonics together at last. If it wasn't for that current affairs ban . . .

The Tudors sponsored by DurexIt's hard to keep up with the amount of philandering in this series, so they could at least have a reminder that anyone inspired by the characters should act responsibly.