‘Just because people are vulnerable doesn’t mean they’re not taking the piss’

The old man tells me that he needs to see me. A matter of life and death, he says on the phone. So, like an idiot, I drop everything and go racing around to his gaff, only to discover that I can’t get porking on the road, owing to the number of Mercs and Beamers on it.

I count sixty-three of the things. There are only two reasons you would ever find that many high-performance German cors porked in a line like that in South Dublin. It’s either Bring Your Dad to School Day in Willow Pork – or a meeting of the National Executive of New Republic (“a Sixth Force in Irish Politics, or Seventh If We’re Still Counting the Greens”).

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