‘The men I love always just want to be friends’

Ask Roe: Don’t settle for men who want the ol’-buddy-ol’-pal version of you

‘I wonder what I’m doing wrong that these people who I have sexual relationships with only ever see me as a mate?’ File photograph: Getty

‘I wonder what I’m doing wrong that these people who I have sexual relationships with only ever see me as a mate?’ File photograph: Getty

Dear Roe,

I’m in my mid-30s and I keep having the same problem with my romantic relationships. I find I meet men quite easily but after a certain period they just want a friendship with me. I was in a relationship with my ex-partner who, after five years, said he felt we were more friends than lovers. And now a man who I was dating for a year has told me the same – that he thinks we are soul-mates, but as friends rather than anything romantic. I could accept this as a brush off if these men didn’t then actively try to keep in contact and keep meeting up as friends, even when I tell them that it’s not of interest to me when I have romantic feelings for them. I wonder what I’m doing wrong that these people who I have sexual relationships with only ever see me as a mate?

The Irish Times
Please subscribe or sign in to continue reading.
The Irish Times

How can I keep reading?

You’ve reached an article that is only available to Irish Times subscribers.

Subscribe today and get the full picture for just €1 for the first month.

Subscribe No obligation, cancel any time.