‘My mother is toxic and tries to control all aspects of my life’

Tell Me About It: ‘She’s aggressive, abusive and can fly into rages that last hours’

Her need to control signifies a huge fear that if she does not control she will be abandoned. Photograph: iStock

Her need to control signifies a huge fear that if she does not control she will be abandoned. Photograph: iStock

Question: My mother is completely toxic and, ever since I was young, she has attempted to control all aspects of my life. She’s aggressive, abusive and can fly into rages that last hours at the slightest opportunity over something she doesn’t agree with. She’ll phone me multiple times a day and insists on getting to know people who I’m close to so she can contact them if I attempt to put up boundaries. Social media also gives her great access to exert control.

I know she’s had several traumas in her own life but I’m so tired of her passing them on to me. I’m now in my mid-20s and on the outside I’ve a good life. I’ve a good job, etc, but I simply cannot continue to have her controlling me like this.

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